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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Interesting Stuff!

March 10th 2010 02:25
This is interesting! Learn something new everyday....


amazing facts


'Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only the left hand.


And 'lollipop' is the longest word typed with your right hand..
(Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)



No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

'Dreamt' is the only English word that ends in the letters 'mt'.
(Are you doubting this?)

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.


The sentence: 'The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog'
uses every letter of the alphabet.
(Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes) .
(Yep, I knew you were going to 'do' this one.)

There are only four words in the English language which end in 'dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
(You're not possibly doubting this, are you ?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.'
(Yes, admit it, you are going to say, a e i o u)


TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
(All you typists are going to test this out)


A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.


A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
(Some days that's about what my memory span is.)
A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.
(I know some people that could do this too....!)

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that also . Actually I know A LOT of people like this!)

Babies are born without kneecaps.
They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.


February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.


In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.


If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.


Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors


Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!


Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.


The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.


The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
(Good thing he did that.)


The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.


There are more chickens than people in the world.....


Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.


Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Just watch Nancy Polosi! She hits them at 4 to 5 times of men,


Now you know more than you did before!!
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My Next Life

March 8th 2010 02:04
My Next Life by Woody Allen


woody allen
In my next life I want to live my life backwards.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.
You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play.
You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born.
And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila!
You finish off as an orgasm!
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The Colonoscopy

March 5th 2010 11:34

All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
Trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain,
"Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."


"I should be in charge," said the blood ,
"Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you’d all waste away."


"I should be in charge," said the stomach ,
"Because I process food and give all of you energy."


"I should be in charge," said the legs,
"Because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."


"I should be in charge," said the eyes,
"Because I allow the body to see where it goes."


"I should be in charge," said the rectum,
"Because I’m responsible for waste removal."


All the other body parts laughed at the rectum
And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days,
The brain had a terrible headache,
The stomach was bloated,
The legs got wobbly,
The eyes got watery,
And the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

rectum in charge


The Moral of the story?
The arse hole is usually the one in charge!
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DIARY OF A POMMIE IN WESTERN
AUSTRALIA .


western australian sun


August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.



September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun-worshipper.



September 30th - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.



October 10th - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than I expected.



October 15th - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body Missed three days of work.

What a dumb thing to do! Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.



October 20th - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car beforeI left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shit.
I've earned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.



October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant f**kn' blow dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from f**kn' Perth
....



October 30th - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the f**kn' aircon. Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now.
Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?



November 4 - Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 30. Stupid repairman.



November 8 - If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to f**kn' throttle him. F**kn' heat! By the time I get to work, the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking f**kn' wet and Ismell like baked cat!



November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my f**kn' arse was on fire.
I lost two layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and my f**kn' arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat!



November 10 - Weather report! It might as well be a f**kn' recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and f**kn' sunny! It's been too hot to do anything for two f**kn' months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.



November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn f**kn' place? Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the f**kn' pool. The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the f**kn' flies You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the f**kers!



November 20th - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 f**kin' degrees today. Now the air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?'

I had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid f**ker F**kin' Karratha! What kind of sick, demented f**kin' idiot would want to live here!



December 1 -



WHAT!!!!



The first day of Summer!!!!



You've got to be f**kin' kidding!
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Dog for Sale

March 1st 2010 11:19
Lying Dog



A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there..


'You talk?' he asks.


'Yep,' the Lab replies.



After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’ I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.


'Ten dollars,' the guy says.


'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.
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Irish Password

February 26th 2010 05:17
irish password
Paddy had the following password at work:


[ Click here to read more ]
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Cooter and Gomer

February 24th 2010 05:10
27
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A Dog's Purpose

February 22nd 2010 04:57
A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old). Good Advice

A dog's purpose

[ Click here to read more ]
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Adam & Eve

February 19th 2010 06:28
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she charged


[ Click here to read more ]
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Science Quotes From Kids

February 17th 2010 06:09
science quotes from kids
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime


[ Click here to read more ]
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