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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Jokes - October 2007

Orgasm Whenever You Sneeze?

October 31st 2007 11:22
A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man isnt sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He cant believe that hes seeing what hes seeing.

A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again.

The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, Three times youve sneezed, and three times youve taken a tissue and wiped it between your legs! Are you trying to drive me crazy?


Im sorry to have disturbed you, sir, she replies. I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

The man, now feeling badly, says, Oh, Im sorry. What are you taking for it?

The woman looks at him with a coy smile and says, Pepper.


Pepper grinder - Orgasm Whenever You Sneeze?
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The Yank & the Frog

October 29th 2007 02:25
American and Frenchman in Paris
An American is having breakfast, in Paris , one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.


Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle i t, tra nsform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).

"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to the states."

After a moment of silence, The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France ?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France ."
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Lamest Jokes Ever Told

October 26th 2007 02:38
1. Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was assaulted.


2. A termite walks into a bar room and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"


3. "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
"Yes sir, it's fresh ground."


4. What's brown and sticky? A stick.


5. Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing


6. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no guts!


7. What did the apple say to the orange?
Nothing stupid, apples don't talk.


8. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb into a tree and act like a nut...


9. Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.


10. Famous last words of a mafia hitman: "Who put the violin in the violin case?"


And the winner is......

Did you hear about the dyslexic who sold his soul to Santa?
72
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New Assignment

October 24th 2007 02:29
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one-by-one began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?", the teacher asked.

"Yes ma'am," Johnny replied. "My daddy told me a story about my Aunt Nancy. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit.

"She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

aunt nancy parachute botte of whisky
"She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of 20 enemy troops. She shot 15 of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed 4 more with the knife till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," cried the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy give you from this horrible story?"

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Nancy when she's drinking.
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Condom Slogans

October 22nd 2007 02:19
What if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly.


nike condoms - just do it
* Nike Condoms: Just do it.

* Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling!

* Ford Condoms: The ride of your life

* Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today?

* Optus Condoms: Yes!

* KFC Condoms: Finger Lickin' Good

* M&M's Condoms: Melt in your mouth, not in your hands

* Duracell Condoms: Keep going and going and going

* Pringles Condoms: Once you pop you can't stop

* Sydney Olympic Condoms: Share the Spirit

* Hyundai Condoms: All day, every day

* Tip Top Condoms: Good onya mum - (available in Tasmania only)

* Panasonic Condoms: Even more than you expected

* VB Condoms: As a matter of fact, I've got one now

* Swan Lager Condoms: They said you'd never make it....

* Vegemite Condoms: Puts a rose in every cheek

* Levi Condoms: Do you fit the legend?

* Nescafe Condoms: It brings you together.

* Quicken Condoms: Quicken.Easy


The following brands would probably not sell very well.....

* Mitsubishi Condoms: Please consider

* AFL Condoms: I'd Like to See That

* Goodyear Condoms: If it only saves you once a year....

* Samboy Condoms: The flavour really hits you

* RTA Condoms: Speed kills

* Nobby's Condoms: Nibble Nobby's Nuts

* Bolle Condoms: Put them on your face

* Kahlua Condoms: Drink the rhythm

* Aussie Homeloans Condoms: We'll save you
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Fremantle Dockers Supporters

October 19th 2007 02:37
Fremantle Dockers Symbol
A family of Docker supporters heads out one Saturday morning to do their Christmas shoplifting.
While in Rebel Sports the son picks up an Eagles footy jumper and says to his 10 year old sister, "Hey mole, I've decided to become an Eagles supporter and I want this for Christmas."
His sister, outraged by this, promptly wacks him around the head with her carton of Winfield's and says


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Motorbikes vs Women

October 17th 2007 02:27
A Harley vs God's invention.

Harley Davidson and woman. Which is the better invention?

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Council House Complaints

October 15th 2007 02:18
These are genuine clips from letters sent to the Council Housing Department in London.



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Does Hell Give off Heat?

October 12th 2007 02:42
Does hell give off heat exam question
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
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What Gender is a Computer

October 10th 2007 02:24
What Gender is a Computer
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz


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Maths Problem

October 8th 2007 01:55
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Parent's Wedding Anniversary

October 5th 2007 02:38
A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

Parent's wedding anniversary present
"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one.. "Sorry Im running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift


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Texas Babies

October 3rd 2007 02:27
Texas


A Texan is drinking in a New York bar, when he gets a call on his cell phone


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2007 Australian Citizenship Test

October 1st 2007 02:10
2007 Australian Citizenship test


1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse


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