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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Jokes - April 2008

Are You a Psychopath?

April 30th 2008 02:29
Psycho Test

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a man who she did not know. She thought he was 'amazing'. She believed him to be her dream partner so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him.
A few days later she killed her sister.


What was her motive for killing her sister?
Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below:

She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.

Psycho test
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.
If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you.

If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off my e-mail list.


Toilet Talk

April 28th 2008 02:20
This could happen to you!

toilet talk - cell phones
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them
"No..I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions."

Mobile phones, don't you just love them?

Universal Truths

April 25th 2008 02:39
14 Universal Truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

4) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

5) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

6) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

7) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

8) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

9) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

10) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

11) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

12) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

13) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

14) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Police Warning to All Men

April 23rd 2008 02:23
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

Beer - Date Rape
Many females use a date rape drug on the market called 'Beer.'

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large 'kegs'. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship.'

In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as 'marriage.' Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this 'Beer' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimised men. For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book.

For a video to see how beer works control/click here: Beer Demo

The Australian Approach

April 21st 2008 02:15
The Australian Approach
A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.

The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?"

The young man answered "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo."

The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.

His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"

The Aussie said "One!"

The manager groaned and continued, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

" 124,237.64"

The manager choked and exclaimed 124,237.64 POUNDS!!

What the hell did you sell him?"

Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".

The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?"

"No no no......he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said.........

'Well, since your weekend's buggered, you might as well go fishing."

Look Out for Your Coworkers

April 18th 2008 13:04
In the Birmingham Sunday Mercury (7th Jan 2001):

Worker dead at desk. Newspaper article

[ Click here to read more ]

Cat Puzzle

April 16th 2008 12:59
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without making a mistake. (The average person can't)

[ Click here to read more ]

Revenge.. So SWEET

April 14th 2008 12:50
Flat Frog.
A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of "a house of ill repute" and knocked on the door.

When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it

[ Click here to read more ]

Dictionary for Men and Women

April 11th 2008 11:52
DIctionary for men and women

40-ish = 49

[ Click here to read more ]

Women over 40 !!

April 9th 2008 11:47
Andy Rooney - Women over 40
60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
[ Click here to read more ]

A Blonde's Year in Review

April 7th 2008 11:34
Legally Blonde Jokes.

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight

[ Click here to read more ]

Are You Getting Older?

April 4th 2008 01:39

Older than dirt
"Hey Dad," someone's kid asked the other day, "What was your favourite fast food when you were growing up

[ Click here to read more ]

Jokes About Women

April 2nd 2008 01:29
Jokes about Women
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

[ Click here to read more ]

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