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Jokes - May 2008

Life & Personality Test

May 30th 2008 02:47
Don't cheat, If you are honest, this tells the truth. It's pretty good. Write your answers on a piece of paper,
and NO cheating!! The answers are at the bottom.


1. Which is your favourite color out of: red , black , blue , green , or yellow ?

2. Your first initial?

3. Your month of birth?

4. Which color do you like more, black or white?

5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

6. Your favourite number?

7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?

8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?


9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).


When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat!)


























Answers:

1. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive.
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

2. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.

July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.

4. If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.

5. This person is your best friend.

6. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.

7. If you chose:
Flying: You like adventure.
Driving: You are a laid back person.

8.. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

9. This wish will come true only if you copy and send this to five people in one hour. Send it to ten people, and it will come true before your next birthday
74
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When Robberies Go Wrong!

May 28th 2008 02:39
Gas to drive stolen car to the 7-11 store:
$10.00

Winter hoodie jacket with large inside pocket to conceal identity and carry gun:
$85.00

9mm handgun purchased up the block:
$150.00

Failure to master holding on to your weapon during your planned armed robbery:
PRICELESS

(Watch closely...it repeats itself)

Robbery drop hand gun
89
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Air Scrabble

May 26th 2008 02:20
Air Scrabble
Air Scrabble - keep it going!


Take a copy of the post below.
Change one letter of the bottom word posted and see if you get stuck and can't continue!
Then pass it on to your friends.

Rules:
You cannot add letters.
You cannot use foreign languages.
you can only change one letter.



STARTING WORD: foot

Hannah - boot
Mary -bout
Dan - boat
Taylor - coat
Nat - coal
Brian - cool
Bryan - fool
Amy - tool
Sami - pool
Sarah - wool
Kasey - woof
Lori - hoof
Katie - roof
Bon - root
Lisa - hoot
Colleen - coot
Yvonne - cook
Karen - look
Audrey - took
Bonnie - book
Charlie - hook
Nan - honk
Audrey - hank
Jean nette -hunk
Bette -dunk
Molly -punk
Bev - hunk
Ernie- sunk
Phyllis - junk
Sharon - June
Jane - tune
Linda - tone
Bruce - bone
Lisa - lone
Helen - gone
Midge - done
Sherlin - cone
Vivian - none
Dora - zone
Jean - hone
Sally - home
Mary - come
Tim - dome
Yesi - some
Teri - same
Donna - sage
Emilie - cage
Betty - page
Dick - pale
Laura- bale
Kate - male
Barb - mole
Susie - pole
Rebecca - poke
Jane t - joke
Angie - toke
Laureen - coke
Lori - code
Vickie - rode
Sabrina - rose
Leslie - rise
Denise - rite
Sheri - rate
Sharon - rats
Linda - cats
Carolyn - mats
Jamie- mate
Becky - mite
Michelle - mice
Brenda - dice
Cheryl - lice
Jody - lick
Linda - wick
Felicia - kick
Shar I - sick
Whitney - suck
Heather - tuck
Brenda - duck
71
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Harley Davidson

May 23rd 2008 09:24
Harley Davidon God Woman invention
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motor cycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, 'I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognised Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?'

Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me....'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'

God said, ' Ah, yes.'

'Well ,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in our invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.

71
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Overweight Irishman

May 21st 2008 09:18
Irish Diet

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!

'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'

The Irishman nodded...'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were
going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'

'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

'No, from the f**kin' skippin'

86
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Fight With a Ghost?

May 19th 2008 09:12
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhoea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational


[ Click here to read more ]
65
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HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.


[ Click here to read more ]
88
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Sex After 60

May 14th 2008 13:13
Sex after 60
As my wife, and I are approaching our 63rd and 65th birthdays, respectively, we scheduled our annual medical examination together so we could travel together.

After my examination, the doctor said, 'You appear to be in good health


[ Click here to read more ]
66
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Genealogy

May 12th 2008 13:03
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made


[ Click here to read more ]
70
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Before & After Marriage

May 9th 2008 11:56
Before marriage. After marriage. read from bottom to top. John - Ah at last, I can hardly wait. Jane - Do you want me to leave. John - No Don't even think about it. Jane - Do you love me? John - Of course. Always have and always will. Jane - have you ever cheated on me? John - No! Why are you even asking. Jane - Will you kiss me? John - Every chance I get. Jane - Will you hit me. John - Hell no! Are you crazy! Jane - Can I trust you? John - Yes. Jane - Darling!
67
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What is the Error?

May 7th 2008 11:41
What is the error in the following sequence?

AAA


[ Click here to read more ]
69
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GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY

May 5th 2008 11:26
TO OUR GREAT AVIATION PIONEERS:


[ Click here to read more ]
73
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Tickle Me Elmo

May 2nd 2008 02:38
Thought this might "tickle" you!


[ Click here to read more ]
67
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