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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Jokes - October 2008

Halloween Jokes

October 31st 2008 01:35
jokes about halloween


Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A. Napoleon bone-apart.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
A. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A. For the Boos.

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?

A. Wrap!!!!!

Q. Why doesn't Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat.
A. Because of the coffin.

Q: Why did't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He had no guts.

Q. What is a vampires least favorite food?
A. Steak

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage?
A. A broom closet.

Q. Why was the mummy so tense?
A. Because he was all wound up.

Q. What did Dracula have for dessert?
A. Whine & Ice scream

Q. How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
A. With scare spray...

Q. What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
A. Dead ends...

Q. What do birds give out on Halloween night?
A. Tweets...

77
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Train Set

October 29th 2008 01:27
rude train set joke
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks'.


The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.'

She hears the little boy continue,

'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'

As the mother began to smile, the child added..........

'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b**ch in the kitchen.'
76
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Girl Talk

October 27th 2008 01:12
Old Girl talk - Any idea what you're getting for your birthday. Roses from Bob. That's a given


Innuendo What's wrong with that? Well, he always has expectations after giving me flowers and I don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with me legs in the air.


Girl talk joke. Don't you have a vase?



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Brunette Jokes

October 24th 2008 02:05
brunette blonde jokes
Q: Why are there no brunette jokes?
A: Because blondes would have to think them up.

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Q: What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water?
A: A blonde trying to put it out.

Q: What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A: A hostage

Q: What is brown, black and blue was found lying in a ditch?
A: The last brunette that told a blonde joke in front of a blonde.

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

Q. What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
A. Brown-bagging it.

Q. What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
A. No one else wants it.

Q. What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
A. Invisible.

Q. What's a brunette's mating call?
A. "Has the blonde left yet? "

Q. Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
A. The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.

Q. Why is brunette considered an evil color?
A. When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

Q. What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A. The invitation

Q. Who makes bras for brunettes?
A. Fisher-Price

Q. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A. It matches their moustache.

Q. What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A. A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
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what to do if your internet breaks down
14 Things to Do When Your ISP Unexpectedly Goes Down






1. Dial 911 immediately.

2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.

3. You mean there's something else to do?

4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.

5. Work.

6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.

7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.

8. See if your eyes can still focus to distances further than 3 feet.

9. Get butt groove in chair fixed at store.

10. Tylenol... Tylenol! Where the hell is the Tylenol!

11. Do shopping with clothes on.

12. Check your mail box every 15 minutes.

13. See if your neighbour can tell you a joke.

14. Sleep (and dream about surfing the Internet)!
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Japan's Banks Now in Trouble

October 20th 2008 01:14
financial crisis hits Japan
Following the problems with Lehmann Bros and Washington Mutual, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches


[ Click here to read more ]
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UFOs

October 17th 2008 14:02
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralysed with shock, his young blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.

"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Funny Bumper Stickers

October 15th 2008 13:44
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again


[ Click here to read more ]
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Philosophy Jokes

October 13th 2008 13:00
Definitions from the Philosophy Profession

*Source
[ Click here to read more ]
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Banana Test

October 10th 2008 12:31
How's your fast thinking going??

Test it below!!

[ Click here to read more ]
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Medical Alert - WORK

October 8th 2008 12:18
The Centre for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or all of the antidotes -Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) , Complete Health And Mind Purging Anti Guilt Negating Enzyme ( CHAMPAGNE ) or Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system


[ Click here to read more ]
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Newly Designed Seat Belt

October 6th 2008 12:09
The National Roads Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.

Results Show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed


[ Click here to read more ]
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The Blonde Cookbook .

October 3rd 2008 12:22
Blonde Cookbook .

Blonde CookBook

Monday: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls


[ Click here to read more ]
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Have You Ever Been E-Mooned?

October 1st 2008 12:12
We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:
means a smile and
is a frown.

[ Click here to read more ]
65
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