Ian
D GabbardComputer Programmer Jokes
February 27th 2009 01:48
How can you tell when a programmer has had sex?
When he’s washing the pepper spray out of his eyes.
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Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”
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Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”
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Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
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How many programmers dose it take to change a light bulb?
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Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
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There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.
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A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher short changed him by 24 grams.
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“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”
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Programming is like sex:
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”
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All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.
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Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.
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The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
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The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
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Debugging: Removing the needles from the haystack.
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The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea.
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