May 29th 2009 04:17
A statistician is an accountant without the charisma.
A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
Theory and practice are the same in theory. In practice they are different.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
Every day, innumeracy affects 8 out of 5 people.
A mathematician, an applied mathematician, and a statistician all apply for the same job. At the interview, they are asked the question, what is 1 1.
The mathematician replies, "I can prove that it exists but not that it is unique."
The applied mathematician, after some thought, replies, "The answer is approximately 1.99, with an error in the region of 0.01."
The statistician steps outside the room, mulls it over for several minutes, and eventually returns in desperation and inquires, "So what do you want it to be?"
Did you hear about the statistician who put her head in the oven and her feet in the refrigerator?
She said, "On average, I feel just fine."
Statistics means never having to say you're certain.
If you want three opinions, just ask two statisticians.
Did you know that the great majority of people have more than the average number of legs?
And because most people have two legs...
Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One—plus or minus three.
Did you hear about the politician who promised that if he were elected he'd make certain that everybody would get an above-average income? (And nobody laughed....)
A famous statistician would never travel by airplane, because he had studied air travel and estimated that the probability of there being a bomb on any given flight was one in a million, and he was not prepared to accept these odds.
One day, a colleague met him at a conference far from home. "How did you get here, by train?"
"No, I flew"
"What about the possibility of a bomb?"
"Well, I began thinking that if the odds of one bomb are 1:million, then the odds of two bombs are (1/1,000,000) x (1/1,000,000). This is a very, very small probability, which I can accept. So now I bring my own bomb along!"
Numbers are like people; torture them enough and they'll tell you anything.
Lottery: A tax on the statistically-challenged.