Read + Write + Report
Home | Start a blog | About Orble | FAQ | Blogs | Writers | Paid | My Orble | Login

Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

50th Birthday Jokes

April 27th 2007 10:40
The positive side of being an oldie:

over the hill 50th and 60th birthday jokes
• You’ll never have to endure those harrowing visits to the dentist again.
• You’ll save a fortune on shampoo.

• Your hernia operation will make you a star at the local pub.
• You will look distinguished with your receding hairline, double chin and wrinkles.
• You have survived the humiliation of middle age.
• You’ll no longer have to suffer the disappointment of thwarted ambitions – you no longer have any.
• You can finally sell those dreadful diet and exercise books that have sat unopened on the bookshelf for years.
• You’ll be the champ at history questions in the pub quiz.
• You can embarrass your family by entering glamorous granny or good-looking grandfather competitions.
• You don’t need to make an effort anymore – people will expect you to be frumpy, boring and cantankerous.
• Your failing memory allows you to convince yourself that you’re a super sex machine.
• You’ll be able to talk incessantly about the good old days.
• Your failing eyesight saves you the anguish of seeing your disintegrating body.

Helpful Tips for the over 50s:

• Never attempt bending down, except under strict medical supervision.

• Develop the power of a photographic memory – take photographs of everyone you need to remember.
• Use your ailing health to blackmail your children into doing all your gardening and housework.
• Avoid the company of young people they are a sad reminder of your long lost youth.
• Keep a diary – it will be a great source of comfort and a handy reminder of what you did yesterday.
• Cultivate friendships with people much older than yourself. This will make you feel so much younger.
• Finding your false teeth can be difficult when you mislay your spectacles. Always keep these vital items attached to you by pieces of string.
• No one will ever notice your frightful wrinkles if you only go out when it’s dark.
• Modern science enables even fifty year olds to have the youthful looks of a teenager – a simple head transplant is all it takes.
• Should you ever get the urge to go ‘all night clubing’ apply the simple rule – forget it!!
• Buy a computer, digital camera and a MP3 player. Although you’re incapable of understanding how to use them at least you’ll appear trendy.
• Take the strain off your tired out memory by labelling all household objects – bed, fridge, television etc.
• Look twenty years younger in an instant – borrow a baby and train it to call you ‘mummy’.
• Save all hairs that come loose when you brush your hair – one day medical science may develop a means of replanting them.
• Borrow a pram – pushing it around looks better than clutching a zimmer.
• Try to enjoy your fifties as much as is possible – after all the horrendous sixties are looming.
• Remember – Don’t Drink and Zimmer.


subscribe to this blog 




1 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Anonymous

December 28th 2011 00:26
[/B]im not 50 im 49.95 tax!!!!!

Add A Comment

To create a fully formatted comment please click here.


Name or Orble Tag
Home Page (optional)
Bold Italic Underline Strikethrough Separator Left Center Right Separator Quote Insert Link Insert Email
Notify me of replies
Your Email Address
(required for reply notification)
More Posts
1 Posts
1 Posts
1 Posts
964 Posts dating from March 2006
Email Subscription
Receive e-mail notifications of new posts on this blog:

Ian's Blogs

75293 Vote(s)
1589 Comment(s)
1038 Post(s)
0 Vote(s)
0 Comment(s)
0 Post(s)
0 Vote(s)
0 Comment(s)
0 Post(s)
65934 Vote(s)
236 Comment(s)
1040 Post(s)
60540 Vote(s)
613 Comment(s)
944 Post(s)
Jay's Blog (Member)
3619 Vote(s)
54 Comment(s)
39 Post(s)
Moderated by Ian
Copyright © 2012 On Topic Media PTY LTD. All Rights Reserved. Design by
On Topic Media ZPages: Sydney |  Melbourne |  Brisbane |  London |  Birmingham |  Leeds     [ Advertise ] [ Contact Us ] [ Privacy Policy ]