Read + Write + Report
Home | Start a blog | About Orble | FAQ | Blogs | Writers | Paid | My Orble | Login

Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Australian Tourism Help & Advice

December 5th 2007 01:26
Australian Tourism Help & Advice funny website answers
These questions were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.


_____________________________ _____________________

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )


A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

_____________________________ ____________________

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal .

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay night clubs.

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..

_____________________________ _____________________

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
144
Vote


   
subscribe to this blog 


   

   



   

Comments
3 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Harry

December 5th 2007 02:00
Bwaaa haaa haaaaa. Very good

Comment by Mountain Fog

December 5th 2007 05:15
HAHAHAHAHA!!
Some of those made me burst out loud laughing!!
How fantastic!!

cheers

fog

Comment by Justicia

December 5th 2007 06:42
Hehehe, loved them! They had me laughing out loud!

Add A Comment

To create a fully formatted comment please click here.


CLICK HERE TO LOGIN | CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Name or Orble Tag
Home Page (optional)
Comments
Bold Italic Underline Strikethrough Separator Left Center Right Separator Quote Insert Link Insert Email
Notify me of replies
Your Email Address
(optional)
(required for reply notification)
Submit
More Posts
1 Posts
1 Posts
1 Posts
963 Posts dating from March 2006
Email Subscription
Receive e-mail notifications of new posts on this blog:
0

Ian's Blogs

74310 Vote(s)
1627 Comment(s)
1035 Post(s)
0 Vote(s)
0 Comment(s)
0 Post(s)
0 Vote(s)
0 Comment(s)
0 Post(s)
64665 Vote(s)
236 Comment(s)
1035 Post(s)
59414 Vote(s)
613 Comment(s)
940 Post(s)
Jay's Blog (Member)
3575 Vote(s)
54 Comment(s)
39 Post(s)
Moderated by Ian
Copyright © 2012 On Topic Media PTY LTD. All Rights Reserved. Design by Vimu.com.
On Topic Media ZPages: Sydney |  Melbourne |  Brisbane |  London |  Birmingham |  Leeds     [ Advertise ] [ Contact Us ] [ Privacy Policy ]