Ian
D GabbardA Man Walks Into a Bar...
October 20th 2006 03:19
An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"
A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home."
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "What, Gary?"
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."
There was this duck, who walked into a bar. And he says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don't have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.
So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer.
The day after, he walks back into the bar, and again, asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender, having still not figured out why this duck seems to think he may have some grapes, says to the duck, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!"
The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar.
So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"
The bartender says "No."
So the duck says "Got any grapes?"
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. He walks up behind her and says: "Hi there good looking, how's it going?"
She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it." He says: "No kidding?, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"
A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home."
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "What, Gary?"
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."
There was this duck, who walked into a bar. And he says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don't have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.
So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer.
The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar.
So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"
The bartender says "No."
So the duck says "Got any grapes?"
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. He walks up behind her and says: "Hi there good looking, how's it going?"
She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it." He says: "No kidding?, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
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