July 22nd 2009 15:13
The Cleveland Symphony Orchestra was rehearsing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. There is an extensive section where the bass players don't play for twenty minutes of so. One of them decided that, rather than stand around on stage looking bored and stupid, they'd all just file offstage during their tacit-time and hang out backstage, then return when they were about to play. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
On the night of the performance, the bass players filed off as planned. The last one had barely left the stage when the leader suggested, "Hey we've got twenty minutes, let's fun across the street to the bar for a few!"
This idea was met with great approval, so off they went, tuxedos and all, to loosen up. Fifteen minutes and a few rounds later, one of the bass players said, "Shouldn't we be heading back? It's almost time."
But the leader announced, "Oh don't worry, we'll have some extra time - I played a little joke on the conductor. Before the performance started, I tied string around each page of his score so that he'd have to untie each page to turn it. The piece will drag on a bit. We've got time for another round!"
So another round they did, and finally - sloshed and staggering - they made their way back across the street to finish Ludwig's 9th.
Upon entering the stage, they immediately noticed the conductor's haggard, drawn and livid expression.
"Gee," one player queried, "Why do you suppose he looks so tense?"
"You'd be tense, too," laughed the leader. "It's the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied and the basses are loaded."
Is There Baseball In Heaven?
Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."
The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies.
A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven."
"What's the bad news?"
"You're pitching on Wednesday."
A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run....run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!" A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused.
A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whisper, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and
screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"
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