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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Host: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Host: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Host, just to be sure.

Host: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Host: "Hello Maggie, its Host here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Host: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Host: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Host: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Host: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."



who wants to be a millionaire stupid
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Blonde Horseback Riding

August 2nd 2010 05:20
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action. As it gallops along at its steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but despite her best efforts, slides down the horse's flanks.

The horse continues to gallop along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground time and time again.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank, the supermarket trolley boy, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.


blonde horse joke
62
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The Blind and the Blonde

July 16th 2010 03:59
A blind guy walks into a bar, sits down and asked the bartender if they would like to hear a blonde joke.

boxer blonde
The bartender replies, "Look mate I'll take it easy on you because you are blind, but you’re in a lesbian bar. I am blonde, the girl to your left is a professional boxer, and blonde, the girl to your right is a weight lifter, and also blonde, and both the security girls are blonde as well. Are you sure you want to tell that blonde joke?”

The blind guy thinks for a minute and replies “Not if I’m going to have to explain it 5 times.”
85
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Brunettes at the Doctor

May 3rd 2010 03:37
brunettes blondes
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
68
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Redhead Jokes

April 28th 2010 02:40
redhead jokes
Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A. Say something.



Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A. Wait 10 seconds

Q: How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A: She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails.

Q. What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A. Normal

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A redhead!

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.

She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"

The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"




Differences Between Good Girls and Redheads

*Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot.
*Redheads make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

*Good girls wax their floors.
*Redheads wax their bikini lines.

*Good girls blush during sex scenes in a movie.
*Redheads know they could do it better.

*Good girls wear white cotton panties.
*Redheads don't wear any.

*Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. *Redheads think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.

*Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it.
*Redheads only own one bra and rarely use it.

*Good girls pack their toothbrush.
*Redheads pack their diaphragms.

*Good girls wear high heels to work.
*Redheads wear high heels to bed.

*Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have sex.
*Redheads think no place is the wrong place.

*Good girls prefer the missionary position.
*Redheads do too, but only for starters.

*Good girls say 'no'.
*Redheads say 'when?'

*Good girls say "Thanks for a wonderful dinner."
*Redheads say, "What's for breakfast?"

*Good girls keep a diary.
*Redheads don't have time.

*Good girls love Italian food.
*Redheads love Italian waiters.

*Good girls will apologize, brown nose and kiss YOUR ass.
*Redheads will tell ya to kiss my lily, white ass.


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Betting With A Blonde

January 20th 2010 08:44
A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. She sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The redhead turns to the blonde and says, "You know, I bet he'll jump


[ Click here to read more ]
54
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The Blonde Who Wanted to Buy a TV

August 26th 2009 10:47
A blonde goes into an electronics store and asks, "How much is this TV?"
The salesman says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
So she dyes her hair and comes back as a brunette


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Postman Pat's Last Day

June 10th 2009 01:58
postman pat's last day
It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a cheque for £50.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Blonde Handyman

June 8th 2009 01:48
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge


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Jigsaw Puzzle

January 9th 2009 23:41
A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger


[ Click here to read more ]
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Brunette Jokes

October 24th 2008 02:05
brunette blonde jokes
Q: Why are there no brunette jokes?
A: Because blondes would have to think them up.

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The Blonde Cookbook ….

October 3rd 2008 12:22
Blonde Cookbook ….

Blonde CookBook

Monday: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls


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The Irish Blonde

August 1st 2008 02:40
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand pounds on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

[ Click here to read more ]
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A Blonde's Year in Review

April 7th 2008 11:34
Legally Blonde Jokes.
January

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight


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