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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Blonde Flying

March 9th 2011 02:56
first class travel blonde joke
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to the coach section since she did not have a first class ticket.


The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.

The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so."

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.

The pilot replied, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
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Blonde Cook Book

October 27th 2010 02:57
DEAR DIARY:


Monday

blonde cooking
It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbours were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Tuesday

Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper


Wednesday

A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday

Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

Friday

I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Saturday

Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

Sunday

Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius.. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.
91
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Cheap Windows

September 22nd 2010 03:13

blonde windows joke
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been
completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.


Hellloooo,...........just because I' m blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid.. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy
had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never
called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
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Host: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Host: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Host, just to be sure.

Host: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Host: "Hello Maggie, its Host here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Host: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Host: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Host: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Host: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."



who wants to be a millionaire stupid
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Blonde Horseback Riding

August 2nd 2010 05:20
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action. As it gallops along at its steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but despite her best efforts, slides down the horse's flanks.

The horse continues to gallop along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground time and time again.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank, the supermarket trolley boy, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.


blonde horse joke
79
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The Blind and the Blonde

July 16th 2010 03:59
A blind guy walks into a bar, sits down and asked the bartender if they would like to hear a blonde joke.

boxer blonde
The bartender replies, "Look mate I'll take it easy on you because you are blind, but you’re in a lesbian bar. I am blonde, the girl to your left is a professional boxer, and blonde, the girl to your right is a weight lifter, and also blonde, and both the security girls are blonde as well. Are you sure you want to tell that blonde joke


[ Click here to read more ]
106
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Brunettes at the Doctor

May 3rd 2010 03:37
brunettes blondes
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me


[ Click here to read more ]
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Redhead Jokes

April 28th 2010 02:40
redhead jokes
Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A. Say something.

[ Click here to read more ]
80
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Betting With A Blonde

January 20th 2010 08:44
A redhead walks into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. She sits down next to this blonde at the bar and stares up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The redhead turns to the blonde and says, "You know, I bet he'll jump


[ Click here to read more ]
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The Blonde Who Wanted to Buy a TV

August 26th 2009 10:47
A blonde goes into an electronics store and asks, "How much is this TV?"
The salesman says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
So she dyes her hair and comes back as a brunette


[ Click here to read more ]
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Postman Pat's Last Day

June 10th 2009 01:58
postman pat's last day
It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a cheque for £50.

[ Click here to read more ]
58
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Blonde Handyman

June 8th 2009 01:48
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge


[ Click here to read more ]
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Jigsaw Puzzle

January 9th 2009 23:41
A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger


[ Click here to read more ]
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Brunette Jokes

October 24th 2008 02:05
brunette blonde jokes
Q: Why are there no brunette jokes?
A: Because blondes would have to think them up.

[ Click here to read more ]
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