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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

The Irish Blonde

August 1st 2008 02:40
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand pounds on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

Irish blonde gambling dice nude
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and Yelled,
'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...
'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are stupid and not all Blondes are Dumb,

But all Men are Men

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A Blonde's Year in Review

April 7th 2008 11:34
Legally Blonde Jokes.
January

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!

March

Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!"

April

Trapped on escalator for hours . power went out!!!

May

Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June

Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July

Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August

Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.

September

The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October

Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December

Couldn't call 911 ..... "duh"....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!



THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"



(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)





My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
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How to Get Sick Leave

December 24th 2007 10:32

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "crazy" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was "crazy" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What on earth do you think you are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "..And where do you think you're going?!"

(You're gonna love this....)






Sick leave light bulb blonde







She said, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.
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Blonde Joke

November 30th 2007 01:49
Dumb Blonde Joke - Milk Bath
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons...So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said..."I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said..."I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked..."Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said..."No, just up to my chest. I can splash it on my face".
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A Blonde Goes Fishing...

August 29th 2007 08:40
Dumb Blonde goes fishing

A blonde in Canada wanted to do a spot of ice fishing. So after getting all the right tools together, she headed towards the nearest frozen lake.

After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''

Startled, the women moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot
chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''

This time quite scared, the women moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''
She raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?''

The voice answered, ''NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.''
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More Dumb Blonde Jokes

March 7th 2007 11:31
Dumb Blonde Jokes - Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson - From Wikipedia
Blonde LOGIC

Two blondes living in Oklahoma

[ Click here to read more ]
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The Best Blonde Joke Ever

February 28th 2007 13:21
Dumb Blondes
Spot the blondes!


A blonde, a brunette & a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in & after filling out the forms & going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her a last question, "How many D's are there in ‘INDIANA JONES


[ Click here to read more ]
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The Blonde and the Ventriloquist

November 21st 2006 00:13
funny dumb blonde jokes ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype blondes that way? What does the fact that a person is a blonde have to do with his or her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep blondes like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against blondes...and all in the name of humour


[ Click here to read more ]
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Blonde Jokes

July 14th 2006 00:05
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Dumb Blonde Jokes

May 11th 2006 02:23
According to blonde-jokes.co.uk, these are the top 10 dumb blonde jokes of all time!

10. Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?

[ Click here to read more ]
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