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The Blonde Cookbook ….

October 3rd 2008 12:22

Blonde Cookbook ….

Monday: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Tuesday: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

Wednesday: A good day for rice.The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday: Today Tom asked for salad again I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden..

Friday: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Saturday: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it, and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

Sunday: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius.. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose. : )

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Blondes

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The Irish Blonde

August 1st 2008 02:40

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand pounds on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and Yelled,
'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...
'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are stupid and not all Blondes are Dumb,

But all Men are Men

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Blondes

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A Blonde's Year in Review

April 7th 2008 11:34

January

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!

March

Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!"

April

Trapped on escalator for hours . power went out!!!

May

Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June

Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July

Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August

Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.

September

The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October

Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December

Couldn't call 911 ..... "duh"....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!

THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)

My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Blondes

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How to Get Sick Leave

December 24th 2007 10:32

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "crazy" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was "crazy" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What on earth do you think you are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "..And where do you think you're going?!"

(You're gonna love this....)

She said, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.

103

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Blonde Joke

November 30th 2007 01:49

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons...So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said..."I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said..."I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked..."Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said..."No, just up to my chest. I can splash it on my face".

114

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Blondes

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A Blonde Goes Fishing...

August 29th 2007 08:40

A blonde in Canada wanted to do a spot of ice fishing. So after getting all the right tools together, she headed towards the nearest frozen lake.

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More Dumb Blonde Jokes

March 7th 2007 11:31

Jessica Simpson - From Wikipedia

Blonde LOGIC

Two blondes living in Oklahoma

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The Best Blonde Joke Ever

February 28th 2007 13:21

Spot the blondes!

A blonde, a brunette & a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in & after filling out the forms & going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her a last question, "How many D's are there in ‘INDIANA JONES

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The Blonde and the Ventriloquist

November 21st 2006 00:13

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype blondes that way? What does the fact that a person is a blonde have to do with his or her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep blondes like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against blondes...and all in the name of humour

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Blondes

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Blonde Jokes

July 14th 2006 00:05

AUTO REPAIR

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Dumb Blonde Jokes

May 11th 2006 02:23

According to blonde-jokes.co.uk, these are the top 10 dumb blonde jokes of all time!

10. Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Blondes

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