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Break Up Letter

September 25th 2006 02:53

Men often find "blowing off a chick" the most difficult part of the dating process. The closest they ever come to telling someone it's over is to look her straight in the eye and say, "I'll call you next week." But there is now a great way to blow a chick off. It's safe. It's affordable, and the best thing is the chick has no opportunity to throw things at you. And it's at your fingertips right now. What is this marvellous thing?

E-mail!! That's how all the happening, 21st century guys are telling chicks they're not worthy. You'll feel like a real man knowing you have told her how you really feel from the safety of your keyboard. And you can delete her response without ever reading it. What could be more painless?
Following is an Email rejection letter: Men can use it the next time they need to put their main squeeze on waivers. The verbiage can be altered to fit both men and women....
_______________________________________________________________

Dear (her name),

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further consideration to become the future Mrs. (your last name). As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly fierce this year and dozens of well- qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available or I become extremely horny.

So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavours, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

(Check those that apply)

___ Your failure to reach for your purse even in a feigned attempt to pay for dinner by the fourth date displayed a stunning ignorance of basic economics.

___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms and K-Y Jelly by the truckload" indicates that you may be slightly overqualified for this position.

___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

___ The only question you did ask was how much money I make.

___ You neglected to reach over and unlock my car door from the inside after I opened the passenger side door for you.

___ My breasts are bigger than yours.

___ Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however,
happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.

___ Your repeated comments such as, "Is it still called a penis when it's that small?" were both uncalled for and thoughtless.

___ The way you enthusiastically jumped up on the stage at the alternative Bar and danced with the lesbians demonstrated that you are far too impressionable and have a disconcerting lack of commitment to heterosexuality.

___ Your revelation that you would most certainly allow your ex-boyfriend to shack up with you again after he "beats that domestic abuse rap" shows compassion but makes it difficult to take you seriously.

___ Although your inability to achieve orgasm was of great importance to me and a source of deep regret, your suggestion that we invite the basketball team into the bedroom so it would be "just like college" seemed somewhat extreme and inappropriate.

___ I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely,
Your Name (Optional)

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Break Up Letter

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