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Chemistry Jokes

January 17th 2011 02:59
chemistry jokes
A chemistry professor couldn't resist interjecting a little philosophy into a class lecture. He interrupted his discussion on balancing chemical equations, saying, "Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!"



One day on the Tonight Show, Jay Leno showed a classified add that read: "Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023."


A student comes into his lab class right at the end of the hour. Fearing he'll get an "F", he asks a fellow student what she's been doing. "We've been observing water under the microscope. We're suppose to write up what we see." The page of her notebook is filled with little figures resembling circles and ellipses with hair on them. The panic-stricken student hears the bell go off, opens his notebook and writes, "During this laboratory, I examined water under the microscope and I saw twice as many H's as O's."


Q: How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam?
A: Fear of utility bills.


The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines cation as a positively charged kitten.


Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:


Q: What is the name of the molecule bunny-O-bunny?
A: An ether bunny


Q: If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

A: H-two-O-CUBED


Q: What is the chemical symbol for diarrhea?
A: (CO(NH2)2)2


Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.


Q: What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy?
A: Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthan um-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe


Here is a historical note: In the 1980's, in an effort to increase public awareness about the importance of chemistry, the American Chemical Society posted billboards with a picture of C6H10 and the title, "It takes alkynes to make a world."


Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!


Q: What is the name of the molecule CH2O?
A: Seawater


Q: What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
A: CoRnY.


Q: If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see?
A: A mole of molasses.


Q: What does a teary-eyed, joyful Santa say about chemistry?
A: HOH, HOH, HOH!


Susan was in chemistry. Susan is no more, for what she thought was H2O was H2SO4.


Q: Why is potassium a racist element?
A: Because, when you put three of them together, you get KKK.


An electron sitting in a prison asked a second electron cellmate, "What are you in for?" To which the latter replied, "For attempting a forbidden transition."


Q: What is the dullest element?
A: Bohrium


At the end of the semester, a 10th-grade chemistry teacher asked her students what was the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand and said, "Never lick the spoon."

Q: How did the political science major define free radical on his chemistry exam?
A: A wild protestor.


Q: How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?
A: Avocados number.
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