Ian
Shilpa KarhikDeep Economic Talk with Steve Jobs & Bill Gates
June 28th 2010 04:25
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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.
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Printer Mouse
March 24th 2010 02:41
Call to IT Department
Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller: The mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse!? Printers don't have a mouse you twit!
Caller: Mmmmmm.....on really?....I will send a picture.
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Computers and Internet
Most Annoying Facebook Status Updates
February 5th 2010 02:43
1. The Quote Dude: Okay, I recognize myself in this. That’s why it’s first. Everyone loves a killer lyric or memorable quote, especially if it has some sort of sentimental meaning to the poster, but reading long drabble of dead people and the chorus of a bad Lady Gaga song doesn’t make you look any cooler or smarter. And who am I kidding… all Lady Gaga songs are pretty horrible. Just my opinion.
2. The Popular One: Not so bad on Facebook, but sign onto the disappearing Myspace and this is all you see. Little girls (and guys) who just want attention. You want me to go comment the picture of you in the skimpy cheerleading garb flashing hand signs with your tongue hanging out? Two things: You look like an idiot and you need to get a life.
3. The Model: This kind of ties in with # 2. So you’re somewhat attractive and your mini digital camera loves your face. This doesn’t mean you should plaster 841,654 pictures of yourself in your album with puckered lips, hand signs, no shirt, and your new aviators you got off of eBay. You’re on Facebook. I know you. I see you way too much. If I start having nightmares about the shape of your nose I’m going to shoot myself. Seriously.
4. The Jesus Lover: Don’t get me wrong, I’m sincerely happy that you have faith in something, but updating your status with only biblical quotes and “I love Jesus” phrases makes you look like a mindless zombie. “Oh no, I broke a nail but it’s okay because Jesus has a plan for everything. Go Jesus!”
5. The Angry One: Damn it, your best friend hit on your boyfriend again so you decide to finally take action. Let your fingertips fly! Let everyone see how pissed you are with your CAPS, extensive curse words, and racial slurs until everyone sees just how much of a backstabber your ex friend is. Take that you meanie you!
6. The Need You To Know Every Five Minutes One: I couldn’t think of a better title for this one. So you’re about to play some Modern Warfare 2 online. Sweet! Maybe I’ll join, but unless you’re actually in a movie where the action never ceases, I don’t want to know what you’re doing every five minutes. Walking the dog and taking a bathroom break are some events I relatively don’t care about. Now if the dog magically dons a cape and tells you ‘there’s nothing to fear’ or a blue alien leaps from the murky depths of the toilet then type away, my friend!
7. The Novelist: Just like # 6 but longer. So you’re going to a huge MMA fight tomorrow. That’s awesome! But if that’s the only amazingly interesting thing happening, then why must you add everything else? “OMG going to the mall tomorrow to get a book I’ve never read signed by that Twilight chick! But now I’m sipping a latte, watching Oprah, and wishing that tomorrow would come faster. Txt me!” …No I will not text you.
8. The Cryptic One: “Going out with a certain guy tonight!’ Oh your mysteriousness baffles me… even though just an hour earlier you called me and told me everything you were doing tonight with Johnny boy down the street. Including how cute he is, what cologne he wears, and how expensive his shirt is. Have fun tonight with that certain someone at a certain place during a certain time. While you’re at it make sure you wear a certain pair of shoes because it’s cold.
9. The One Who Types Black: Dis iz Mizz G’Money Fabulous ‘ere wid dis ‘portant message. I writ3 wid #s. If you’re white you probably can’t decipher the intricate codes typed by these people. The only reason you might be able to read the first part of this is because I’m white and I didn’t do it right. Everyone has at least one of these people. Don’t lie. I’m a writer… reading that junk makes my brain spin.
10. The Depressed One: Everyone has bad days and everyone loves getting some sympathy from a caring friend, but most people don’t care THAT much. Especially if all of your updates are depressing. So your boyfriend canceled on you, your cable screwed up just seconds before the new episode of ‘I’m a Rich Bitch On Drugs Pt.1,’ and you have cramps. It happens. I’m sorry, but get over it.
11: The One Who Will Never Find Love: This one is last because this is the one that irritates me the most. So your girlfriend dumped you after two weeks and now you’re truly convinced that you will never find love. You rant about how much life sucks, how you want to die, how much love you gave that special girl during those everlasting two weeks, how all girls MUST be the same, and how much you fail because you’re such a nice guy. I just puked. Now because of you’re status I will officially become # 10. “Tears bleed down my cheeks as my heart breaks.”
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Computers and Internet
Nerd Season
June 1st 2009 02:22
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying:
"Nerds Not Allowed—Enter At Your Own Risk!"
He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him. "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?"
"I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling."
"Okay, truck drivers are not nerds," he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long.
The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
"Why did you do that?"
"Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license."
The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all scientists, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen!
He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
"What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
"Well, sure," says the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em!"
He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him. "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?"
"I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling."
"Okay, truck drivers are not nerds," he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long.
The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
"Why did you do that?"
"Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license."
The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all scientists, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen!
He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
"What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
"Well, sure," says the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em!"
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Computers and Internet
Computer Passwords
April 22nd 2009 13:35
THE NEW PASSWORD
Something he would use to log-on.
Her husband was in a rather devilish mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in:
P...
E...
N...
I...
S....
His wife fell out of her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD INVALID............NOT LONG ENOUGH***
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Computers and Internet
Computer Programmer Jokes
February 27th 2009 01:48
How can you tell when a programmer has had sex?
When he’s washing the pepper spray out of his eyes
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Computers and Internet
Reset Your Mouse
February 6th 2009 01:49
You should actually do this every year. Even more often is recommended by Kim Kommando (the computer guru) if you spend a lot of time on the computer
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Computers and Internet
Funny Taglines
November 24th 2008 01:14
Life is a riddle; unfortunately the answer's not written on the back of anything.
I'd rather be over the hill than under it[ Click here to read more ]
I'd rather be over the hill than under it
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Computers and Internet
What To Do When Your Internet Connection Breaks Down
October 22nd 2008 01:28
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Computers and Internet
Have You Ever Been E-Mooned?
October 1st 2008 12:12
We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:
means a smile and
is a frown.
means a smile and is a frown. | 63 |
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Computers and Internet
Billy Connolly's Response to Chain Emails
July 16th 2008 02:33
And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you, and everyone to whom you send 'his' email
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Computers and Internet
EBay
February 6th 2008 12:33
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Computers and Internet
Computer Programmer on a Deserted Island
July 27th 2007 02:53
A computer programmer finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life....'til the boat sank. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies...Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
[ Click here to read more ]
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Computers and Internet
Computer Games
July 23rd 2007 00:40
There's been a lot of talk about computer games having a subliminal effect on players, affecting their behaviour in real life.
Such talk is, of course, unfounded. The most popular computer game is Pacman. If Pacman had a subliminal effect on anyone they would be running around in darkened rooms, munching on pills and listening to repetitive music.
[ Click here to read more ]
Such talk is, of course, unfounded. The most popular computer game is Pacman. If Pacman had a subliminal effect on anyone they would be running around in darkened rooms, munching on pills and listening to repetitive music.
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Posted By: Michael Shillito - Category: Computers and Internet
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