Ian
D GabbardSMS Jokes
July 15th 2011 03:08
To go with the previous post of funny and jokes text messages, here is part 2!
You're like my asthma, you take my breath away. Like dandruff; I can't get you off my head. Like my car, you drive me crazy. Like dentures, I can't smile without you.
You think I'm nice, I think you're nice. You think I'm kind, I think you're kind. You think I can be trusted, I think you can. You think I'm cute, and I think you're right.
You can buy gifts but not love. You can pretend smile but not happiness. You can lie to others but not to yourself. You can have another friend but not as cute as I am!
If you're like my pillow, you're huggable. If you're like my cell phone, you're smart. If you're my chocolate, you're sweet. If you're like me, grabe and cute mo naman!
Everything about you is perfect - your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You're lucky to be born beautiful, not like me, who was born to be a big liar.
You'll never know who your friends are… till you stumble and fall. And till you feel his hands on your shoulder as he says, "Yan tatanga-tanga kasi".
Any man who can text while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the text the attention it deserves.
If you're not cute don't continue reading this.... Naks! yan ang gusto ko sayo eh, lakas ng fighting spirit mo! O pumipindot pa! Lupit mo!
A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, a colon, or an exclamation point... So don't dare to kiss me coz I might get crazy,?.!
The Pinoy politician does not fail to smile in front of the camera. Why? Guilt tickles when there is too much light.
This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number. We are truly sorry for the inconvenience.
Each of us has his own fear but sooner or later we must face it. It takes a lot of guts to overcome it. So don't be afraid to face your fear. Go ahead, take a bath. Good a.m.
Newsflash: Policemen saving a woman who appears to be jumping off a building. Policeman: Bumaba ka dyan maraming nagmamahal sa yo! Woman: Wag kayo makialam, di ako makapag -send!
If only I'm an angel, I'll protect you. I'll lend you my wings. I'll watch over you. But I'm not an angel, hawig lang.
When a veteran actor dies, women weep. When a young actor dies, girls cry, "Sayang!"
I don't know how to say this. We are friends but I can't get you out of my mind. This is wrong but you're the only one I could think of. This might break our friendship, but I have to say this. Pautang naman!
The smell of a woman should stay with you. The smell of a man should come to you as you go to him and leave you with only a memory, not a headache.
A husband coming home from a confession and lifts his wife and carries her on his shoulder. Wife: Did the priest tell you to be so romantic like this? Husband: No, he told me to carry my cross.
What do you do when you see an extremely cute person? Ako, I stare at the person and smile, but when I get tired, I just put the mirror down. Nakakangawit eh!
No one is too fat to run, except the Pinoy policeman.
Help! Nasa presinto ako. Nahuli kasi ako while I was working kanina. The charge was possession of cute face. I had no choice but plead guilty. Lakas ng ebidensya nila e!
How to spot a texter? 1. may muscle ang thumb 2. barok magsalita 3. may bangga ang auto 4. laging nakayuko 5. nakasimangot dahil di makasend.
Five reasons why I keep texting you: 1. You made me feel welcomed 2. You made me smile 3. You appreciate my thoughts 4. You spend time reading my messages 5. Di ako kuripot tulad mo!
When you feel left out and all alone, just try to close your eyes for a moment and think of me. Afterwards, you will suddenly smile and say, text ko nga ang cute na yon!
When she talks about the town, she calls it news. When the town talks about her, she calls it 'tsismis'.
I looked at the sky. The sky is beautiful. I looked at you. I looked at the sky na lang ulit.
Money will buy a bed but not sleep, food but not appetite, amusement but not happiness. You see, money is not everything. Therefore, if you have too much, please send it to me ASAP!
I'm afraid to die not because it will hurt or I don't know what will happen, but because I might be waiting for you in Heaven and be disappointed.
Some people choose friends who are thoughtful and caring. Some prefer those who are smart and good looking. When you chose me, pinakyaw mo na lahat.
Everyone, except me, wants to become a millionaire. I want to become a billionaire.
I know you've got plenty of friends. Some are old, some are new. Some are false, some are true. I may not be your perfect friend, but one thing I will always be - the cutest you've got.
I live a very difficult life. I'm always hurt! Whenever people call me cute, good looking, smart and lovable, I'm always hurt! Totoo pala, the truth hurts!
I asked my guardian angel for a friend whom I can love forever. She gave me you. And so I called on her again and asked: "Wala na bang iba?"
Yesterday is history.... Tomorrow is a mystery.... Today is a gift.... That's why its called the present!
I'm not sure what life could bring you. I'm not sure if dreams do come true. I'm not sure what love can do. But I'm sure about one thing. Cute tayo.
Let go of the one who makes you cry. Let go of the one who breaks your heart. Let go of the one who causes you much pain. But never let go of me because mahirap maghanap ng cute na ka-text.
People are always looking for cute ones, the perfect ones, the gorgeous ones, the smart ones, the sweet ones. Lagi na lang ako! Ako! Ako!
What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you and torture is thinking of you too much.
I'm so sorry for not telling you this before. You ought to know how smart, cute, witty, sweet, charming, alluring and wonderful you are!... I didn't know I've influenced you that much!
Others say life is unfair. Well, it's true. Others are jealous of you. And they really should be. Wanna know why? Hmmm… coz you have a cute text mate like me.
Playboy, speaking to a girl: "I want you to know that I value our relationship very much. In fact, I find you as my most favorite girlfriend."
Newsflash: Police are looking for a suspect who's smart, sexy, witty and very gorgeous. They've already eliminated you from the list of suspects. Where do you think I should hide?
If I were to make a dictionary: CUTE=you; SWEET=you; THOUGHTFUL=you; GOOD LOOKING=you; GORGEOUS=you; LIAR=me!
When somebody who's deeply in love with you tells you that you're cute, beautiful, and angelic, I agree. That's true, believe me, I swear. Cause love is blind!
Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. That's enough bout me. How about you?
When I was lost, you were there. When I was down, you were there. When I was bankrupt, you were there. When I almost died, you were there... Teka, baka ikaw ang malas sa buhay ko!
It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.
Dear fellow texters, Due to Globeline problems, we are experiencing delayed messages. This is why as early as now I would like to greet you a Merry Christmas.
Trivia: Having a good laugh with friends stimulates endorphins, the brain's natural painkillers. So if you need to laugh and you can't find a friend, I can lend you a mirror.
When he was five years old, he wanted to become a lawyer. Now that he is a lawyer, he acts like a five-years old.
There are now three ways of describing a glass with water half of its volume. It is either half-full, half-empty or half-safe to drink.
He loves his girlfriend more when she is not around.
I may not be Pepsi, the choice of the new generation. I may not be Coca Cola, only the real thing. I may not be Nido, the world's number 1 but I can be PLDT, clearly for you.
Someone claimed that Maria Clara could not be the model of Filipino women. "History never mentioned that she brushed her teeth," was the explanation.
The only person who can make her smile is a dentist.
You're like my asthma, you take my breath away. Like dandruff; I can't get you off my head. Like my car, you drive me crazy. Like dentures, I can't smile without you.
You think I'm nice, I think you're nice. You think I'm kind, I think you're kind. You think I can be trusted, I think you can. You think I'm cute, and I think you're right.
You can buy gifts but not love. You can pretend smile but not happiness. You can lie to others but not to yourself. You can have another friend but not as cute as I am!
If you're like my pillow, you're huggable. If you're like my cell phone, you're smart. If you're my chocolate, you're sweet. If you're like me, grabe and cute mo naman!
Everything about you is perfect - your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You're lucky to be born beautiful, not like me, who was born to be a big liar.
You'll never know who your friends are… till you stumble and fall. And till you feel his hands on your shoulder as he says, "Yan tatanga-tanga kasi".
Any man who can text while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the text the attention it deserves.
A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, a colon, or an exclamation point... So don't dare to kiss me coz I might get crazy,?.!
The Pinoy politician does not fail to smile in front of the camera. Why? Guilt tickles when there is too much light.
This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number. We are truly sorry for the inconvenience.
Each of us has his own fear but sooner or later we must face it. It takes a lot of guts to overcome it. So don't be afraid to face your fear. Go ahead, take a bath. Good a.m.
Newsflash: Policemen saving a woman who appears to be jumping off a building. Policeman: Bumaba ka dyan maraming nagmamahal sa yo! Woman: Wag kayo makialam, di ako makapag -send!
If only I'm an angel, I'll protect you. I'll lend you my wings. I'll watch over you. But I'm not an angel, hawig lang.
When a veteran actor dies, women weep. When a young actor dies, girls cry, "Sayang!"
I don't know how to say this. We are friends but I can't get you out of my mind. This is wrong but you're the only one I could think of. This might break our friendship, but I have to say this. Pautang naman!
The smell of a woman should stay with you. The smell of a man should come to you as you go to him and leave you with only a memory, not a headache.
A husband coming home from a confession and lifts his wife and carries her on his shoulder. Wife: Did the priest tell you to be so romantic like this? Husband: No, he told me to carry my cross.
What do you do when you see an extremely cute person? Ako, I stare at the person and smile, but when I get tired, I just put the mirror down. Nakakangawit eh!
No one is too fat to run, except the Pinoy policeman.
Help! Nasa presinto ako. Nahuli kasi ako while I was working kanina. The charge was possession of cute face. I had no choice but plead guilty. Lakas ng ebidensya nila e!
How to spot a texter? 1. may muscle ang thumb 2. barok magsalita 3. may bangga ang auto 4. laging nakayuko 5. nakasimangot dahil di makasend.
Five reasons why I keep texting you: 1. You made me feel welcomed 2. You made me smile 3. You appreciate my thoughts 4. You spend time reading my messages 5. Di ako kuripot tulad mo!
When you feel left out and all alone, just try to close your eyes for a moment and think of me. Afterwards, you will suddenly smile and say, text ko nga ang cute na yon!
When she talks about the town, she calls it news. When the town talks about her, she calls it 'tsismis'.
I looked at the sky. The sky is beautiful. I looked at you. I looked at the sky na lang ulit.
Money will buy a bed but not sleep, food but not appetite, amusement but not happiness. You see, money is not everything. Therefore, if you have too much, please send it to me ASAP!
I'm afraid to die not because it will hurt or I don't know what will happen, but because I might be waiting for you in Heaven and be disappointed.
Some people choose friends who are thoughtful and caring. Some prefer those who are smart and good looking. When you chose me, pinakyaw mo na lahat.
Everyone, except me, wants to become a millionaire. I want to become a billionaire.
I know you've got plenty of friends. Some are old, some are new. Some are false, some are true. I may not be your perfect friend, but one thing I will always be - the cutest you've got.
I live a very difficult life. I'm always hurt! Whenever people call me cute, good looking, smart and lovable, I'm always hurt! Totoo pala, the truth hurts!
I asked my guardian angel for a friend whom I can love forever. She gave me you. And so I called on her again and asked: "Wala na bang iba?"
Yesterday is history.... Tomorrow is a mystery.... Today is a gift.... That's why its called the present!
I'm not sure what life could bring you. I'm not sure if dreams do come true. I'm not sure what love can do. But I'm sure about one thing. Cute tayo.
Let go of the one who makes you cry. Let go of the one who breaks your heart. Let go of the one who causes you much pain. But never let go of me because mahirap maghanap ng cute na ka-text.
People are always looking for cute ones, the perfect ones, the gorgeous ones, the smart ones, the sweet ones. Lagi na lang ako! Ako! Ako!
What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you and torture is thinking of you too much.
I'm so sorry for not telling you this before. You ought to know how smart, cute, witty, sweet, charming, alluring and wonderful you are!... I didn't know I've influenced you that much!
Others say life is unfair. Well, it's true. Others are jealous of you. And they really should be. Wanna know why? Hmmm… coz you have a cute text mate like me.
Playboy, speaking to a girl: "I want you to know that I value our relationship very much. In fact, I find you as my most favorite girlfriend."
Newsflash: Police are looking for a suspect who's smart, sexy, witty and very gorgeous. They've already eliminated you from the list of suspects. Where do you think I should hide?
If I were to make a dictionary: CUTE=you; SWEET=you; THOUGHTFUL=you; GOOD LOOKING=you; GORGEOUS=you; LIAR=me!
When somebody who's deeply in love with you tells you that you're cute, beautiful, and angelic, I agree. That's true, believe me, I swear. Cause love is blind!
Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. That's enough bout me. How about you?
When I was lost, you were there. When I was down, you were there. When I was bankrupt, you were there. When I almost died, you were there... Teka, baka ikaw ang malas sa buhay ko!
It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.
Dear fellow texters, Due to Globeline problems, we are experiencing delayed messages. This is why as early as now I would like to greet you a Merry Christmas.
Trivia: Having a good laugh with friends stimulates endorphins, the brain's natural painkillers. So if you need to laugh and you can't find a friend, I can lend you a mirror.
When he was five years old, he wanted to become a lawyer. Now that he is a lawyer, he acts like a five-years old.
There are now three ways of describing a glass with water half of its volume. It is either half-full, half-empty or half-safe to drink.
He loves his girlfriend more when she is not around.
I may not be Pepsi, the choice of the new generation. I may not be Coca Cola, only the real thing. I may not be Nido, the world's number 1 but I can be PLDT, clearly for you.
Someone claimed that Maria Clara could not be the model of Filipino women. "History never mentioned that she brushed her teeth," was the explanation.
The only person who can make her smile is a dentist.
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