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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Dating Jokes

November 28th 2008 01:59
dating jokes
It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in.
“Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?,” he says.
“That’s cool” says Bobby.

Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.
Carrie’s father responds “why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby-so he asks Carrie’s Dad to repeat it.
“Yeah,” says Carries father, “Carrie really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!”
Well, this just made Bobby’s eyes light up, and his plans for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:
” DANGIT DADDY….! IT’S CALLED THE TWIST!”


Dating Vs Marriage

When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue.
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.

When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time.

When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?"

When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public.
When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public.

When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad.
When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot.

When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married ....You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy????"

When you are dating..... You enjoyed foreplay.
When you are married ....You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???"

When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you for no reason.
When you are married ....He grabs your boob any chance he gets.

When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old together.
When you are married ....You wonder who will die first.

When you are dating..... Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy."
When you are married ....When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.

When you are dating..... He knows what the "hamper" is.
When you are married ....The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area.

When you are dating..... He understands if you "Aren't in the mood."
When you are married ....He says "It's your job."

When you are dating..... He understands that you have "male" friends.
When you are married ....He thinks they are all out to steal you away.

When you are dating..... He likes to "discuss" things.
When you are married ....He develops a "blank" stare.

When you are dating..... He calls you by name.
When you are married ....He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to others as "She."


Tony excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. Tony says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm going to bring over two other female friends in addition to my fiancée, and you have to try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The next day, Tony brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Mom. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing! You're right, how did you know?"
His mother folds her arms across her chest and says, "I don't like her."
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Comments
1 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by NoaIzumi

November 28th 2008 17:26
Nice. They reminded me of one I heard a few years ago:

This young couple have been dating for a while, and have decided to go "all the way." So, the day of the big date, the guy goes to buy some condoms. The pharmacist sees the box, winks, and says, "Hot date, huh?"

The young man grins, saying, "You bet. This girl is the hottest."

He leaves with his purchase, and goes to his girlfriend's house that evening to pick her up. She opens the door, dressed to the nines, and invites him in, saying, "My parents are here. Why don't you say hello to them before we go?"

The young man greets the parents, turns to his date, and says, "You know, sweetie, we can go to the movies anytime. Why don't we stay in tonight and spend the evening with your mom and dad?"

The young woman is a little perplexed at the sudden change of plans, but goes along, and they make some snacks and play Monopoly the whole evening.

When the game is finished, the young man remarks on the lateness of the hour and say his goodnights. His girlfirend walks him to his car and says, "I had no idea that you liked Monopoly so much."

The young man turns to her and says, "I had no idea that your father was a pharmacist!"

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