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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Flu Shots

October 1st 2009 12:34
Please do not forget your flu shot!!!!


Flu Shots and alcohol



Eat right!

Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.


Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.


Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.


Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim,


Take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.


Wash your hands often.
If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.


Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors & windows whenever possible.


Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.

OR

Take the doctor's approach.
Think about it....
When you go for a shot, what do they do first? They Clean your arm with alcohol...
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS
GERMS. So.......

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona. (fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)
The way I see it...

If you keep your alcohol levels up,
Flu germs

Can’t get you!

My mother always said,
"A shot in the glass
Is better than one in the ass!"

26
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Department of Health

September 23rd 2009 08:53
If you receive an e-mail


from the


Department of Health


telling you not to eat


tinned pork


because of


swine flu....



ignore it.



It's just spam.




swine flu spam email
40
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Face Lift

August 31st 2009 12:07
Face Lift Joke
This woman goes in for a face-lift, and the doctor says, "We've got this new method: I put a knob in the back of your head, and every time you feel like you need a lift, just turn it."

She gets the knob implanted and is beautiful for five years.
But one day she notices a problem and returns to the doctor. "I've got these huge bags under my eyes," she complains.

The surgeon replies, "Those aren't bags; those are your breasts." "Ah," she sighs, "that explains the goatee."

50
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Pandemic Warning

May 22nd 2009 02:42

NEWS ITEM :
World Health Organisation - Outbreak of Public Apathy

Outbreak of Public Apathy


Pacific island nations have been warned they are more vulnerable to apathy than other countries.

The new strain of Public Apathy has been detected in 19 countries worldwide, with the Asia Pacific Region and Australia in particular featuring heavily.

The World Health Organisation (WHO) has warned that if cases are reported, the impact will be even worse than elsewhere.

"They have only a limited stretch of their public propaganda systems and a limited stretch of their essential tools like mass panic, social concern, empathy and all that," WHO medical officer Dr Jacob Kool told Radio New Zealand .

A recent survey in Melbourne showed that most did not care or did not even want to know of the risks associated with Public Apathy - confirming the WHO's worst fears.
35
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Dentist Jokes

June 27th 2008 05:50
Dentist Jokes
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novacaine because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."

----------------------------- ----------------------------- ----------------------


Actual Names of Practicing Dentists
Dr.Pullman, Dr.Filler, Dr.Fear, Dr.Rensch (pronounced wrench), Dr.Pick, Dr.Tusk, Dr. Drewel (pronounced "drool"),
Dr.Tucek (2thChk), Dr.Chu, Dr.Shugar, Dr.Pic, Dr.Pang, Dr.Butcher, Dr.Harm, Dr.Hurter, Dr.Toothaker, Dr.Lynch,
Dr.Root, Dr.Nasti, Dr.Paine/Payne/Pain (15 entries but notably Dr.Daryl B Payne = "There Will Be Pain"),
Dr.Smiley, Dr.Schotz, Dr.Hale (pronounced "hell" in southern), Dr.Bliss, Dr.Lancit, Dr.Gager, Dr. Eke

----------------------------- ----------------------------- ----------------------


A friend of mine went to the dentist recently. He commented that it must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth. He said, "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

----------------------------- ----------------------------- ----------------------


Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.

----------------------------- ----------------------------- ----------------------

Patient: Doctor, I am very nervous. You know, this is my first extraction.
Young dentist: Don’t worry, it's my first extraction too.
Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved.
Assistant: Why don't you marry her?
Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.
Dentist: Just let me finish and you will be another man after these cosmetic procedures.
Patient: Okay doc, but don't forget to send your bill to the other man.
----------------------------- ----------------------------- ----------------------


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Health Jokes

June 13th 2008 12:16
Health Jokes - My doctor told me to avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill.


Two carrots were walking down the road one day when all of a sudden a car drove by and hit one of them. The other carrot took the injured carrot to the hospital.
[ Click here to read more ]
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Fight With a Ghost?

May 19th 2008 09:12
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhoea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational


[ Click here to read more ]
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Funniest Joke Ever

November 16th 2007 03:17
Best Joke of all time??

best joke of all time
Detective work by a professor investigating the psychology of humour has revealed that Spike Milligan was the author of the world's funniest joke


[ Click here to read more ]
90
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Chinese STDs

May 23rd 2007 07:09
While in China ,a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in Australia, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor Says: "I've got bad news for you -- you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it." The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc." The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion." The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice


[ Click here to read more ]
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Doctor & Medical Jokes

April 20th 2007 11:44
doctor and medical jokes
A tired businessman complained to his doctor,
"What's wrong with me doctor? I feel awful."
"Let me ask you a few questions. Do you drink much alcohol


[ Click here to read more ]
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The Good Dentist

February 15th 2007 14:22
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again


[ Click here to read more ]
47
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Migraine Headaches

January 21st 2007 09:34
Try This Migraine Cure!

A man comes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement


[ Click here to read more ]
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Generic Name For Viagra

December 13th 2006 02:57
viagra
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin


[ Click here to read more ]
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Do We Really Need Flu Shots?

December 11th 2006 05:57
How To Avoid The Flu


[ Click here to read more ]
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