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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Migraine Headaches

January 21st 2007 09:34
Try This Migraine Cure!

A man comes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the doc. "I have migraines, too...and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand....especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex...and almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."


Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a really nice house."
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Generic Name For Viagra

December 13th 2006 02:57
viagra
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.


The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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Do We Really Need Flu Shots?

December 11th 2006 05:57
How To Avoid The Flu


Do we need flu shots


• Eat right!

• Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

• Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

• Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

• Walk for at least an hour a day,
go for a swim,
take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.


• Wash your hands often.
If you can't wash them,
keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.


• Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors & windows whenever possible.


• Try to eliminate as much stress
from your life as you can.


• Get plenty of rest.
OR

Take the doctor's approach.
Think about it...
When you go for a shot,
what do they do first?
They Clean your arm with alcohol...
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.
So......

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona...(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh....(eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)
The way I see it...

Grandma says - a shot in the glass is better than one in the arse
If you keep your alcohol levels up,
flu germs can't get you!

My grandmother always said,
"A shot in the glass
is better than one in the ass!"
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Quotes by Patients During Colonoscopies

October 29th 2006 23:47
Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam were quite humorous.... .


Colonoscopy quotes


A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his (predominately male) patients while he was performing their colonoscopies:




1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet?! Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."

And the best one of all...

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there."





*The above image is taken from the Wikipedia page for Colonoscopy. It is in the public domain as it's a work of the United States Government.



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Pharmacist

September 20th 2006 03:08
True story:

Pharmacist Joke
A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant.
The assistant explains that they don't stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes the man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item.

The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago and has done for several years. The pharmacist asks man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product.

The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety.

The customer explains that instructions on reverse state, "Push up bottom to use."



*This image is in the public domain as it is a work of the U.S. federal government. It came from the wikipedia page for Pharmacist.
60
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Ed Zachary Disease

May 30th 2006 03:53
Dr Steven Chu (from Wikipedia)
Dr Steven Chu (from Wikipedia)
A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years.

She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang.

[ Click here to read more ]
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