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Driving Complaint in New Zealand

October 16th 2006 03:04
New Zealand Police Header

Ref: 115223
PO BOX 3296

Dear Sir/Madam

Records indicate that you are the owner of a Holden - regulation number CBH858.
On Friday, 10 June 2005 your vehicle was seen exceeding the speed limit at the junction of Shortland Street and Fields Lane, Auckland. Evasive action taken by pedestrians. This incident took place at about 1:15 PM and has been reported to the police by way of the Community Roadwatch program.

You may not have been the driver at the time and even if you were you may feel that the driving was not in any way risky. However another person was sufficiently alarmed by the driving to report the matter to the Police. The other person's perception was that the way your vehicle was driven at that time was not safe.

If you were not the driver at the time, we would ask that you bring this matter to the driver's attention.

Yours sincerely,

Inspector Matt Fitzsimons

Officer in Charge: Police Infringement Bureau
Safer Communities Together
FAX: (04) 384 8848. PHONE: (04) 381 0046

21st June 2005
Officer in Charge
Police Infringement Bureau
New Zealand Police
PO Box 9147
Attention : Inspector Matt Fitzsimons

Dear Sir.

RE: Police advice Ref 11 5223

Thank you for your recent letter dated June 15th, 2005.

I appreciate that you are only following up on a report from a member of the public but I feel the need to set the record straight as I have been driving for the past 25 years all over the world without incident and class myself as generally a good driver. Yes, I have had a few speeding tickets during this time, but that doesn't necessarily detract from a person's driving abilities.

I was indeed the driver of this Holden. I clearly remember this incident because it happened on the eve of my 40th birthday and I remember thinking that it was a miracle that I had made it to this milestone despite there being numerous stupid people out there.

My car is an HSV Avalanche, which is a two tonne 300KW 5.7L V8 4WD Holden station wagon with a performance braking package fitted to it. Whenever this car is driven, the minimum forward lighting on it is the halogen driving lights that sit below the front grill -this being necessary because of the large number of dickhead drivers on the Auckland motorway system.

On the afternoon of June l0th, my wife and I were on our way to Auckland International airport to pick up some friends who had flown over for my 40th birthday party that was being held the next day. We were making a quick detour to my company offices when the incident occurred. I was already in the process of turning my car right into Fields Lane from the western side of Shortland Street (Queen Street end) when I was first introduced to Dumb Ass A and Dumb Ass B who both simply stepped off the footpath to cross Fields Lane right in front of me.

At this particular point in time we now had said two tonne car, with it's lights and right hand indicator on, having complete right of way after giving way to the appropriate vehicle traffic. We also now had two clowns who were happily chatting to each other, completely ignorant of their surroundings, walking down Shortland Street (south side) and when they reached the curb they simply kept on walking right into my path without even looking for traffic.

Note that this is not a pedestrian crossing of any kind.

The chances of these two being able to beat a car that was already committed to turning were about that of Auckland being able to beat Waikato in an NPC rugby match -slim to none.

As soon as I realised that Dumb Ass A and Dumb Ass B had a deathwish, I hit the car horn and the brakes at the same time.

The three air horns which are located on the front left side of the car (the very solid, pointy corner closest to Dumb Ass A and Dumb Ass B) hit a single, beautiful note at about 100 decibels. Now 100 decibels is about 20 decibels louder than the Sprint Cars that were deemed "too loud" for the Western Springs raceway, thereby causing it to close because in Auckland at the moment we seem to have an anti-motorsport, politically correct, left leaning, tree hugging, land-rights-for-gay-whales City Council - but I digress.

Anyway, Dumb Ass A and Dumb Ass B now looked to the source of the 100dB noise and in doing so started to realise that stepping out in front of two tonnes of General Motors metal that was bearing down on them at about 30 kmph with a set of 200W halogen spot lights now burning their retinas and making the metal on metal sound of a Bosch 5.3 ABS system kicking in onto a set of 336 x 32mm AP Racing ventilated and grooved front discs with HSV-embossed twin piston Corvette front callipers (in HRT red) and 315 x 18mm ventilated and grooved rear discs was perhaps not the smartest move they have either individually or collectively ever made.

Put simply, they shit themselves & back-pedalled faster than an eight year old at Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch, I pulled the car up in time, wound the window down and let loose with some brilliant swear words that one can only learn after serving at least 10 years in the Army, and we all went on our merry way. I can understand why the guy behind me had a heart murmur because an HSV Avalanche can come to a complete stop from 100KMIH in about 6.3 seconds. We were both lucky that he didn't hit me as I braked because Dumb Ass A and Dumb Ass B might have got run over after all.

In order for my car to have supposedly exceeded the 50kmph speed limit that prevails within our fair city as I was making a complete 90 degree right-handed turn, both the car and my wife and I would have been subjected to lateral G Forces of around .92 Gs.

I can assure you that had I actually attempted to carry out such a manoeuvre as your letter suggests, my wife would have given me a rather significant slap up side of my head followed by a not-insignificant lecture and I would have had to spend the rest of the weekend on the couch.
If you get a chance to talk to whichever one of Dumb Ass A or Dumb Ass B who had the perception "that the way my vehicle was being driven was not safe", could you ask them if they would much rather have had the number plate of the car embedded in their skull due to being mowed down as a result of their own stupidity.
You may also wish to point out to this person that just because the City Council also killed any chance of an Auckland City street race, that decision didn't also suddenly give pedestrians super-human powers to simply ignore any of the existing rules in the Road Code.

The fact that Dumb Ass A and Dumb Ass B were able to lodge a complaint with your office is both a testament to the quality of Holden HSV braking systems and my own lightning quick reflexes. I would therefore like to be rewarded for this outstanding display of driving skills with lower petrol prices and a better corporate tax rate. Can you see what you could do for me here and please get back to me.

This incident does prove one thing though - in order to have smart people in this world, you need to have dumb asses by which to gauge them.

Thank you for your time and I am happy to discuss further


Paul Clarkin

Director, Operations & Carrier
WorldxChange Communications Limited

Auckland Driving Offence

29 June 2005

Mr Paul Clarkin
WorldxChange Communications Ltd
P 0 Box 3296
Shortland Street

Dear Mr Clarkin

RE: Roadwatch Report 115223

Thank you for your letter dated the 21st June 2005, concerning the driving matter on the 10th June 2005 in Auckland.

I certainly appreciate what you have written, I note the points in your letter (not the descriptions), there are always two sides to one story, we are not to know that until like in this situation, you have brought in another side of the story.

I have attached your letter to our file.

Any further enquiries please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely


Senior Constable E319
Roadwatch, Wellington.
(Ph 04 381 0046)

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15 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by katyzzz

October 16th 2006 22:47
Do you think the police actually read your letter, I don't see any evidence of their comprehension.

What I did see, of course, was a certain laziness, easily detected in the reply of the duty officer.

Notwithstanding all that, I love a clown and can readily perceive that you have met quite a few
in your time, all, surprisingly, it seems, having first names beginning with A.

I'd love to invite you to my dinner party but you may wish to come as a "paid" guest as you have such a
comic turn of mind.

We'll be talking about sex, and you could, if you like, take on the role of doing some short and pithy
jokes, and no I'm not DRUNK, I DID not mean that other word. You'd be paid a suitable fee of course.

Alternatively, you may just wish to be included on the guest list. We can talk about that when you call in to see me!

If I happen across any clowns I'll send them over to meet you.

katyzzz...... cusn

Comment by Muppet

February 24th 2009 22:32
The writer was clearly driving too fast, especially in such an ungainly heavy and monstrously ugly vehicle. If he was a good driver then the ABS, horn and attitude would not have been necessary - the pedestrians would have been spotted much earlier

Comment by local yocal

February 24th 2009 23:17
What a total tosser this spanker be! The roumor that blokes that purchase such over priced over powerered petrol suckling enviromentaly nutcase wank mobiles are truly endowed like a chimpanzee in the twin spaces between the ears and the legs is proven. Hey wittle girly. When our driving in a city - in all instances pedestrians first! For in this way it will be shown to others that one is indeed a noble man well hung and endowed with brains. this primate, apparently has forgotten that he being protected inside the cocoon of his tiny perception of others - thus not equal to those on foot and the fact that he did see these people but did not take controlled evasions by slowing down prior to his smart ass reaction - is proof of his inabilitys. Further the document provided provided enough evidence at to why prosecution should happen - indeed chimpy man must be removed with haste from the roadways - and grow some nuts!

Comment by Professional driver

February 25th 2009 00:44
Stupid comments...
katyzzz .... if you weren't drunk, what were you on?
muppet ... you state that if he was a good driver he would have spotted the pedestrians much earlier. In fact he was watching their movements and was able to avoid them (noisily). The pedestrians did not so much as glance about before stepping on the road.
local yocal ... You can't even spell your own name. The spelling is YOKEL. Go play on the Motorway while insisting that "in all instances pedestrians first"

There is another major problem rearing its head in NZ too. The Police force is actively encouraging citizens to report things they don't like about the activities of others to them. It is now quite extensive throughout the country. I am old enough to remember that this was seen as "police state " tactics in a number of countries and roundly denounced by our governments of the day. we seem to be heading down that track ourselves. The complaint above is a fine example of this.

Comment by bemused

February 25th 2009 01:36
Perhaps, "Muppet" and "Local Yocal" were "A" and "B" ? They not only seem to have the same (mis)understanding of Road Traffic Law, but, the same inability to comprehend the English Language. Anybody USING the road has to take due care - the respondent appears to have done so, whereas the pedestrians do not appear to have exercised the same diligence, which could have resulted in their demise. Bemusing, too, is the proclivity of some "people" to indulge in sexual innuendo, it merely demonstrates that they have an inability to think above their waistline, and are limited in their choice of vituperative language.

Comment by Anonymous

February 25th 2009 03:09
Good on him

Comment by Badman

February 25th 2009 03:20
At least when the Holden driver uses the thing between his legs, it will be with a woman, you should try it yocal.
This all came about when Andy Wankstead from the LTSA thought it was a good idea that pedestrians have the right of way. Deaths on crossings have nearly tripled since this rule was enforced, and I believe he should be charged with man slaughter. The worst case I saw, was a woman who charged out with her baby in a pram. She was fine but the pram was 3 feet in front of her, not a good sight.

Comment by Anonymous

February 25th 2009 03:41
the idiots that walked onto the street were not worth the wearing of your brake pads should of just hit them

Comment by Anonymous

February 25th 2009 04:00
It's worth noting that if this dude had hit the pedestrians then he'd lose his license and they'd get hurt, which would be a win-win situation overall.

Comment by Anonymous

February 25th 2009 05:06
fantastic, to all those who have a problem with the fact that the guy can afford a car which he is clearly passionate about, please place left temple above right corner of oncoming vehicles licence plate.

Great read

Comment by Anonymous

February 25th 2009 11:07
wow, alot of people reading this page now. thanks to trademe motors

Comment by Anonymous

February 25th 2009 13:00
"Being passionate about Holden" what a joke mate. I am not going to get into details about how "good" Holdens are. He is not the first and not the last "I bought a Holden...I made it in life" wanker wannabe who is driving on the streets of Auckland. He should thank God for being lucky and not taking two innocent lifes and spend the rest of his life thinking "Oh shit...I killed two young people with a future" Before making any stupid comments and taking his side think about this "WHAT IF THOSE TWO DUMB ASSES WERE YOUR BROTHER, SISTER, MUM, FATHER OR CHILD?" Would you still think he was cool and smart ass wannabe, ...dumb asses? Wake up. Those who admire people like these should see the true facts, rather than saying "you should have run them over". Drive safely and good luck because sometimes that's what you need on the streets of Auckland to ake it home in one piece.

Comment by S2ANDY

February 25th 2009 15:00
Thank you to the contributors who can still spell and express themselves in English, including the HSV driver. His reply was a work of art, physics, technology and wit in one package. I am worried about the rest of NZ, are we really that uneducated?
I may not agree with all of the sentiments Mr C expressed, but the two pedestrians can be thankful he had the wisdom to spend the extra money on his brakes.

Comment by M

February 25th 2009 22:08
S2andy why the heck would you be concerned about NZ education when you should be more concerned about NZ road safety education. We are not "talking" here about how educated are NZ people. Also why everybody makes stupid comments about "expressing themselves in English" and making writing mistakes....don't you worry..I've seen worse...ohhh yeah ..much worse from native english speakers....which is funny when you see that some of them skiped couple of years of school. Anyway, back to HSV driver...I reckon he is the Dumb Ass C.

Comment by Anonymous

February 26th 2009 01:39
The HSV driver admirably fulfills our expectation of a petrol head stereotype with his inflated ego and pathetic 'land-rights-for-gay-whales" comments. No doubt the pedestrians were at fault but who is to say HSV was driving as he should in a built up area? His very description of his driving sounds like a scene from a Bruce Willis movie rather than that of a sober and careful driver.
ps: Thanks for the warning. I'll be on the lookout for Avalanches and Pestrians (you read that right).

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