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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Paddy had the following password at work:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDew eyDonaldGoofyDublin.

When his boss asked why he had such a long password, he replied 'Bejazus! Are yez feckin' stupid? I was told me password had to be at least 8 characters long and include one capital.

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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Jamaican Jokes

February 1st 2010 01:48

Nursery Rhymes - Jamaican Style
Mary had a likkle lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes down quite a treat,
with rice and hard dough bread .

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to de fair.
Said Simple Simon to de Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said de Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you fool whappin, you a hidiot!!

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All de kings horses and all de kings men,
said " cha , 'im, only a egg."

Jack and Jill
Went up de hill
to have a likkle fun.
Idyat Jill forget she pill
and now them have a son.

Lessons From Granny

1. Ant follow fat, fat drown ant (Shows the negative effect of greed)

2. Bad ting no hab owner (No one ever owns up to a bad deed)

3. You nebber see empty bag tan up (If you are hungry you cannot work)

4. No put youself in a barrel when match-box can hol' you (Do not pretend to be more important than you are)

5. De Lard gib beard a them who no hab chin fe wear i (Some people have advantages that they cannot make use of)

6. Wha sweet a mout sometime hot a belly (First impressions are often wrong)

7. Big blanket mek man sleep late (Luxury encourages idleness)

8. Dry tump a cane-piece no fe laugh when cane piece ketch fire (Don't laugh at others' trouble: you yourself may suffer)

9. Bad name nebber kill darg (Never mind the scandal of this world)

10. When six yeye meet 'tory done (The intervention of a third person stops many a story)

11. Black fowl no fe you, you call him John Crow (You belittle what is not yours)

12. When herrin mauger, him bone show (Evil deeds will reveal themselves)

13. Ebery John Crow tink him pickney white (What is one's own is always the best)

14. Me lub pickney but me no nyam wid dem (Familiarity breeds contempt)

A Jamaican guy enters a resturant and while sitting at his table he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table alone. he calls the waiter over and asks for a bottle of the most expensive champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it she will be his.

the waiter gets the bottle and quickly takes it over to the young lady, saying that its from the gentleman. she looks at the champagne and decides to send a note back to the jamaican, the note reads...

"for me to accept this bottle you need to have a mercedes in your garage, a million in the bank and 9 inches in your trousers."

After Reading this note the jamaican sends back a note of his own, it reads...

"jus su yuh know...me av a bran new benz an a bran new bimma park up inna mi yard, an mi av over 10 million inna de bank but nuhbaddy an mi mean NUHBADDY nah gon mek mi cut 3 inch off a wah mi av inna mi pants...suh yuh can jus sen back di champagne!"

Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy’s homework assignment.
He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence ..*

1. Hotel – I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.

2. Dictate – My girfriend say my dictate good.

3. Catacomb – I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.

4. Foreclose – If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.

5. Rectum – I had two Cadillac’s, but my bitch rectum both.

6. Disappointment – My parole officer tol’ me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.

7. Penis – I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.

8. Israel – Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, “man, it look fake.” He say, “Bullshit, that watch israel”…..

9. Undermine – There’s a fine lookin’ ho who live in the apartment undermine.

10. Acoustic – When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall.

11. Iraq – When we got to the poolhall, I tol’ my uncle, iraq, you break.

12. Stain – My momma in law stopped by and I axed her, “You plan on stain for dinner?”

13. Fortify – I axed this ho on da street, “how much?” she say “fortify.”

14. Income – I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife.

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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Drive on the Left or Right Side?

January 29th 2010 06:54

Britain decided it was time to switch from left lane traffic to right lane traffic, just like everywhere else in Europe.

So they try to put together a plan for the whole thing and nobody seems to come up with any viable solution, so they send out some faxes to other nations asking for advice.

A couple of days later, answers come back. The French fax read: "As your neighbors, we are deeply touched you requested our help," etc., etc., "but we have no idea at all how to do it."

The German fax read: "We are Germany, the most organised country in Europe, but we have not had this problem before and we do not know how to handle it."

The Polish fax read: "As you know, we are Poland, a country that has done a lot on the path towards democracy and economic resuscitation.

"We have a great deal of experience in such transition processes. But, as to overcome the inherent difficulties and to avoid social problems, any and all transitions must be done gradually.

"So, it is our proposal to handle the situation in three big steps. The first year, it should be mandatory only for the trucks to ride on the right lane . . ."

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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The Greek Loan

December 9th 2009 01:38

A Greek man walked into a bank in Sydney and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Greece on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Greek man handed over the keys to his new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Greek man produced the title and everything checked out.
The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Greek man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Greek man returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07 in full. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000 when you are a millionaire?"
The Greek man replied, "Malaka, where else in Sydney can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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Difference Between Heaven and Hell

November 20th 2009 00:26

Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It's all organized by the Italians.

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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Where Did The White Man Go Wrong?

November 6th 2009 12:25

Indian Chief ‘Two Eagles’ was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the White man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'

The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the White man go wrong

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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New World Survey

October 5th 2009 02:36

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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Tiger Woods in Ireland

March 16th 2009 01:23

Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

'Top of the mornin' to yer, sir' says the attendant

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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French Jokes

February 13th 2009 10:16

Q. Why do the French eat snails?
A. Because they don't like fast food.

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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Irish Pet Shop

August 25th 2008 01:59

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.'
The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.
'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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Chinese Proverbs

July 28th 2008 02:17

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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Overweight Irishman

May 21st 2008 09:18

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

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Urgency in Ireland

March 17th 2008 01:18

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the Spanish word "

Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means, "Maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year who cares

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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Natal Curry Contest

November 26th 2007 01:20

Chili Chilli peppers - curry competition

Please take time to read this slowly. For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is. They actually have a Curry Cook-off about June/July. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB.
Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Ethnic

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