Ian
D GabbardFemale Demerit Point System
September 3rd 2008 02:32
A Gentleman’s Guide to “The Female Demerit System”
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (plus 1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (minus 1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (plus 5) In the rain (plus 8)
But return with Beer (minus 5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (plus 1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (plus 5)
You pummel it with iron rod (plus 10)
It’s her pet (minus 20)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (minus 2)
Named Tina (minus 10)
Tina is a dancer (minus 20)
Tina has silicone implants (minus 80)
HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (plus 2)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (plus 3)
Okay, it’s a sports bar (minus 2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat night (minus 3)
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (minus 10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (plus 1)
You take her to a movie she likes (plus 3)
You take her to a movie you hate (plus 6)
You take her to a movie you like (minus 2)
It’s called ‘Death Cop’ (minus 3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans(minus 15)
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (minus 15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (plus 10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (minus 30)
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (minus 8000)
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, “Do I look fat?” (minus 5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what.)
You hesitate in responding (minus 10)
You reply, “Where?” (minus 35)
Any other response (minus 20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (plus 50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (plus 500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (minus 1000)
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