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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Health Jokes

June 13th 2008 12:16
Health Jokes - My doctor told me to avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill.


Two carrots were walking down the road one day when all of a sudden a car drove by and hit one of them. The other carrot took the injured carrot to the hospital.

After examining him the doctor came into the waiting room and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is your friend will live. The bad news is he'll be a vegetable the rest of his life."


A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...''Try doing it with the engine running."



A man had just arrived home after the successful implantation of a pacemaker.
Reading through the literature, he was delighted to learn that the instrument carried a lifetime guarantee.


"Yeah, Doc, what's the news?" asked Sam when his doctor called with his test results. "I have some bad news and some really bad news," said the doctor. "The bad news is that you only have 24 hours to live." "Oh my God," gasped Fred as he dropped to his knees. "What could be worse news than that?" "I couldn't get hold of you yesterday."

There was a terrible accident at a building site, and a construction worker rushed over to where a well-dressed woman was pinned beneath an iron girder. "Hang in there, lady," he said, "the ambulance will be here soon. Are you badly hurt?" "How should I know?" she snapped, "I'm a doctor, not a lawyer."

The Board of BIDMC, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired Paul Levy to be the new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the institution of all slackers and bring real fiscal discipline.
On a tour of the facilities, Paul notices a guy leaning on a wall near the staff lounge. The room is full of doctors, nurses and aides and he wants to let them know he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"
Paul, towering over the guy, then hands him $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, a slightly taller Paul looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the radiologists, mouth full of pepperoni, mutters, "He is the pizza delivery guy from Dominos...."
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