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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

The Surgery

March 11th 2011 03:00
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!


One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."



kiss on the cheek from mother in law


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Confusion

February 25th 2011 02:48
Many years ago when I was 23, I got married to a widow. This widow had a grown up daughter.

My father fell in love with her, and soon they got married too.

This made my Dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.

My daughter was my mother too because she was my father's wife!

After a few years I bacame father of a baby boy complicating the matter further. My son became the brother-in-law of my father!
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Changing Room Phone Call

November 5th 2010 02:51
golf club changing rooms
A bunch of blokes are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.



BLOKE: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
BLOKE: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $5,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
BLOKE: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
BLOKE: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$150,000"
BLOKE: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The apartment I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"
BLOKE: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
BLOKE: "Bye! I love you, too."

The bloke hangs up. The other blokes in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape..... He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
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Dogs Vs Wives

September 20th 2010 03:07
Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:




dogs vs wifes
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.






2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.






3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.






4. A dog's parents never visit.






5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.






6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.







7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..







8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.





9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"






10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.






11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.





12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.






13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.






And last, but not least:






14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.






To test this theory:


Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you.
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50th Wedding Anniversary

June 7th 2010 02:32
50th Wedding Anniversary

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?" Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."

"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."

"Three? Well, when were they?" he asked.

"Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"

"Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?"

"Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"

"I can't believe it! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my l ife. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?"

"Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short..?"


golf club president jokes

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How To Solve Your Mid Life Crisis

May 26th 2010 06:19
After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal.

Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000..00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but Iím sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things


[ Click here to read more ]
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Save on Dental Bills

May 17th 2010 01:08
dentist smile mask


One day, a man walks into a dentistís office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth


[ Click here to read more ]
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Let's Pretend To Be Married

April 16th 2010 03:23
train sleeper carriage joke
A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. They tried to make other arrangements, but the train was full and they were both very tired. They agreed to make the best of it for at least one night. There were two berths, and the man gallantly agreed to take the upper one.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you please reach into that closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold


[ Click here to read more ]
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Pharmacists.......

March 15th 2010 02:07
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Adam & Eve

February 19th 2010 06:28
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she charged


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The Six Affairs

January 6th 2010 03:13
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

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Fondling in Bed

January 2nd 2010 01:45
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one night, when the missus felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach


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Why Men Should Not Write Advice Columns

December 7th 2009 01:21
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A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten


[ Click here to read more ]
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