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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

50th Wedding Anniversary

June 7th 2010 02:32
50th Wedding Anniversary

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?" Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."

"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."

"Three? Well, when were they?" he asked.

"Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"

"Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?"

"Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"

"I can't believe it! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my l ife. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?"

"Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short..?"


golf club president jokes

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How To Solve Your Mid Life Crisis

May 26th 2010 06:19
After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal.

Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000..00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis!






mid life crisis jokes
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Save on Dental Bills

May 17th 2010 01:08
dentist smile mask


One day, a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.

“$800,” the dentist says.
“That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?”

“Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an aesthetic, I can knock the price down to $600.”

Looking annoyed the man says, “That’s still too expensive!”

“Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anaesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $200.”

“Nope,” moans the man, “it’s still too much.” “Well,” says the dentist, scratching his head, “if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $100.”

“Marvellous,” says the man, “book my wife for next Tuesday!”
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Let's Pretend To Be Married

April 16th 2010 03:23
train sleeper carriage joke
A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. They tried to make other arrangements, but the train was full and they were both very tired. They agreed to make the best of it for at least one night. There were two berths, and the man gallantly agreed to take the upper one.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you please reach into that closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she said. "Get your own f*cking blanket!"
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Pharmacists.......

March 15th 2010 02:07
FIRST TIME SEX

pharmacist condoms


A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent’s house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"


The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.

The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'

The boy turns, and whispers back,
"I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

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Adam & Eve

February 19th 2010 06:28
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she charged


[ Click here to read more ]
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The Six Affairs

January 6th 2010 03:13
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Fondling in Bed

January 2nd 2010 01:45
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one night, when the missus felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach


[ Click here to read more ]
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Why Men Should Not Write Advice Columns

December 7th 2009 01:21
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A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten


[ Click here to read more ]
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Divorce Vs Murder

November 16th 2009 23:55
divorce vs murder
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide"

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide


[ Click here to read more ]
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Love Dress

October 16th 2009 04:40
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.

She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked


[ Click here to read more ]
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Magic Sandals

September 30th 2009 12:26
magic sandals

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

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Through Thick & Thin

September 2nd 2009 12:17
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months.

One day, he motioned for her to come nearer


[ Click here to read more ]
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