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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Witty and Funny Insults

December 17th 2008 01:34
If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.

Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

funny and witty insults. You're the reason man has a middle finger.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.


You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.

People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?

People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.

Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

The mind reader had a very busy day today. You were a vacation.

I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.

I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.

I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.


I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so.

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.

You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.

You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.

I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.

There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.

I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.

You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early.

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

You're nobody's fool. Let's see if we can get someone to adopt you.

You're very smart. You have brains you never used.

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

You are so dishonest that I can't even be sure that what you tell me are lies!

You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face!

You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!

I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub.

I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there.

This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man.

Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you've got a palm.

We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone.

The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?

I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank!

You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change.

Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic.
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