Ian
D GabbardJack Bauer
July 6th 2006 01:49
50 Facts About Jack Bauer
1. Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.
2. The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
3. Going to China is all part of Jack Bauer's master plan to rid the world of Communism.
4. Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.
Jack Bauer - 24 promo picture (from Wikipedia)
6. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
7. If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.
8. If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
9. Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality disorder and patch him through.
10. My husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He wishes I was Jack Bauer.
11. Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
12. Jack Bauers calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
13. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
14. There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
15. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
16. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
17. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
18. Superman wears Jack Bauer pyjamas.
19. The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
20. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
21. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
22. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
23. Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
24. A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
25. Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
26. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
27. American Idol is only popular because it has a commercial for 24.
28. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
29. It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
30. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
31. On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
32. Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
33. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
34. Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC. Ever.
35. Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first.
36. Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours.
37. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
38. If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
39. There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.
40. When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24...
41. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
42. In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.
43. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
44. Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.
45. RIP Edgar If you see this give it a 10. Just cuz it's what Edgar would have wanted.
46. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
47. The truth may hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much as Jack Bauer.
48. Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
49. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
50. Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
| 110 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by Jack
Funny Pictures
Movie Trailers
Comment by Kat
and
"Jack spends most of his free time torturing and interrogating washing machines to find out where the missing socks went.
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Zachary Fenell
Seek Extreme
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by bobby joe diddle