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Why We Love Tax

August 10th 2011 03:12

In the year 2000 a Goods and Services Tax (VAT!) was introduced in Australia. Concomitant with it was a new tax ruling. Here is part of it. Australian Tax Code, Section 165-55.

For the purposes of making a declaration under this subdivision, the Commisioner may:

1. treat a particular event that actually happened as not having happened; and
2. treat a particular event that did not happen as having happened and, if appropriate, treat the event as

3. having happened at a particular time; and
4. having involved a particular action by a particular entity; and

5. treat a particular event that actually happened as:

6. having happened at a time different from the time it actually happened; or
7. having involved particular action by a particular entity (whether or not the event actually involved any action by that entity).

Click here to see this on the Australian Tax Office Website!

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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The Generous Lawyer

February 9th 2011 03:11

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

August 27th 2010 02:19

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynaecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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Corruption Trial

July 12th 2010 03:44

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

178

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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Making a Big Impression

January 27th 2010 06:40

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school.

He decided to come back to Jamaica because he felt he could be a Big Shot at home. He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened
his new law office in New Kingston.

The first day, he saw a man coming up the passageway. He decided to make a big impression on this potential client when he arrived. As the man came to the door Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking. "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. Yes, the Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay, tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."

The "conversation" went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled off instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man, "I'm sorry for the delay but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?" The man replied, "I'm from Cable & Wireless, the telephone company, I come to hook up your phone."

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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Disorder in the Courts

October 28th 2009 09:05

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
_______________________________

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[ Click here to read more ]

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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Bronze Rat

March 4th 2009 01:59

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars for the story

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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The Doctor & The Lawyer

December 5th 2008 00:31

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. However, their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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IRS Jokes

November 26th 2008 01:46

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.

"Excuse me," he said. "Have you lost something

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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Express Law Degree

September 12th 2008 03:00

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he
called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is
it or the express degree you told me about

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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Lame Court Room Statements

September 1st 2008 02:21

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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World's Craziest, Stupidest & Dumbest Laws

January 4th 2008 14:06

crazy stupid dumb laws all over the world

In the UK the public voted on which laws they thought were the craziest, ridiculous, stupidest or dumbest at home and around the rest of the world. The results are below:

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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Engineer in Court

June 22nd 2007 11:15

At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it.

The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed

[ Click here to read more ]

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Lawyers and Legal

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