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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Quotes About Men

July 25th 2008 02:41
1. I never liked the men I loved and never loved the men I liked. ~ Fanny Brice
2. You can tell the strength of a nation by the women behind its men. ~ Benjamin Disraeli
3. Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power. ~ George Bernard Shaw
4. When men and woman die, as poets sung, his heart’s the last part moves, her last, the tongue. ~ Benjamin Franklin
5. Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever. ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld
6. If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. Men will believe what they see. ~ Henry David Thoreau
7. All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone. ~ Blaise Pascal
8. The world judge of men by their ability in their profession, and we judge of ourselves by the same test: for it is on that on which our success in life depends. ~ William Hazlitt
9. All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his. ~ Oscar Wilde
10. God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him. ~ Unknown
11. Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot. ~ Oscar Wilde
12. It’s not the men in my life that counts, it’s the life in my men. ~ Mae West
13. A man may conquer a million men in battle but one who conquers himself is, indeed, the greatest of conquerors. ~ Buddha
14. Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. ~ Billy Crystal
15. Men play the game; women know the score. ~ Roger Woddis
16. Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on. ~ Winston Churchill
17. There are some sluggish men who are improved by drinking; as there are fruits that are not good until they are rotten. ~ Samuel Johnson
18. When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself. ~ Louis Nizer
19. Happy is he who still loves something he loved in the nursery: He has not been broken in two by time; he is not two men, but one, and he has saved not only his soul but his life. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton
20. Few men have been admired of their familiars. ~ Michel de Montaigne
21. Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. ~ Kin Hubbard
22. If it’s true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers. ~ Doris Day
23. All men [are] of one metal, but not in one mold. ~ John Lyly
24. Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth. ~ Chuck Norris
25. Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters. ~ Victor Hugo
funny quotes about men

26. Men seldom, or rather never for a length of time and deliberately, rebel against anything that does not deserve rebelling against. ~ Thomas Carlyle
27. Is it not rather what we expect in men, that they should have numerous strands of experience lying side by side and never compare them with each other? ~ George Eliot
28. A child, from the time he can think, should think about all he sees, should suffer for all who cannot live with honesty, should work so that all men can be honest, and should be honest himself. ~ Jose Marti
29. The greatest truths are the simplest, and so are the greatest men. ~ Julius Charles Hare
30. Men are so willing to respect anything that bores them. ~ Marilyn Moroe
31. There are more men ennobled by study than by nature. ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero
32. Young men preen. Old men scheme. ~ Mason Cooley
33. If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman. ~ Margaret Thatcher
34. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. ~ Robert Frost
35. Classical quotation is the parole of literary men all over the world. ~ Samuel Johnson
36. Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes
37. The desire of excessive power caused the angels to fall; the desire of knowledge caused men to fall. ~ Francis Bacon
38. Perfect friendship is the friendship of men who are good, and alike in excellence; for these wish well alike to each other qua good, and they are good in themselves. ~ Aristotle
39. Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. ~ Cher
40. There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. ~ Will Rogers
41. Priests are not men of the world; it is not intended that they should be; and a University training is the one best adapted to prevent their becoming so. ~ Samuel Butler
42. Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course. ~ William Shakespeare
43. Men are only as great as they are kind. ~ Elbert Hubbard
44. Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh
45. Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. ~ Confucius
46. In the long run, men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, they had better aim at something high. ~ Henry David Thoreau
47. It is a fact often observed, that men have written good verses under the inspiration of passion, who cannot write well under other circumstances. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
48. If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning. ~ Frederick Douglass
49. Violent men have not been known in history to die to a man. They die up to a point. ~ Mohandas Gandhi
50. Great men or men of great gifts you shall easily find, but symmetrical men never. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Why Men Are Never Depressed

July 23rd 2008 02:32
Men Are Just Happier People--
why men have it easy

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!
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The Sensitive Man

July 21st 2008 02:16

A woman meets a man in a bar.




They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.




They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment.



She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
the sensitive guy - teddy bear prizes




There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!




It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.




There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.




She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears.




She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him.



They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'




She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.




They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.




She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.




After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'




The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:





'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'.


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Women - As Explained By Engineers

June 23rd 2008 12:45
To find a woman you need time and money. Therefore Woman = Time x Money. Time is money so:. Time = Money. Therefore Woman = Money x Money. Woman = (Money)^2. Money is the root of all problems. Money = /Problems. Therefore: Woman = problems


Hazardous materials data sheet. Element : Woman. Symbol : Wo. Atomic Weight : Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary between 45kg to 225kg. Discoverer : Adam. Occurrence : Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations. Physical Properties : Surface usually covered with painted film. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. Melts if given special treatment. Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care! Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. Chemical Properties : Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates. Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point. Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense. Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man. Uses : Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. Can greatly improve relaxation levels. Can warm and comfort under some circumstances. Can cool things down when it's too hot. Useful for general cleaning, scrubbing, washing, rubbing, etc. Tests : Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen. Caution : Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling. Illegal to possess more than one.


Chances of a man winning an argument. Years. Dating. Engagement. Marriage Period


Controls for men and women. One knob for men, many for women.


Mission: Go to Gap, buy a pair of pants. Man straight to Gap. Woman - Macy's, Sears, JC Penny

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The Sex Theory

June 20th 2008 09:34
Woman has Man in it;

Mrs. has Mr . in it;

Female has Male in it;

She has He in it;

Madam has Adam in it;

No wonder men always want to be inside women!

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman....


Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME
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Police Warning to All Men

April 23rd 2008 02:23
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.


[ Click here to read more ]
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Dictionary for Men and Women

April 11th 2008 11:52
DIctionary for men and women
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish = 49


[ Click here to read more ]
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Women over 40 !!

April 9th 2008 11:47
Andy Rooney - Women over 40
60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
[ Click here to read more ]
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Jokes About Women

April 2nd 2008 01:29
Jokes about Women
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Shower like a man or a woman
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN :


*Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks


[ Click here to read more ]
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Taking Girls/Women to Bed

March 3rd 2008 08:29
What is the difference between taking girls to bed at different ages?



[ Click here to read more ]
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The World According to Women

February 25th 2008 11:56
If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say its not quite as good as his mothers
Then buy a dog or a man

...then buy a dog


[ Click here to read more ]
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What You Didn't Know About Sex

February 13th 2008 11:05
Irish Sex Fairy - Truth about lovemaking
The Irish Sex Fairy brings you the truth about lovemaking!


1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone oestrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth


[ Click here to read more ]
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Male Weightloss Program

February 11th 2008 10:54
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 Kg. weight loss program.

Running Shoes - Male weight loss Program
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck


[ Click here to read more ]
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