Ian
D GabbardShort but Sweet
June 18th 2013 03:45
Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite.
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.
Just had my water bill of $175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just $2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots.
Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.
ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...one's in a korma. The other's got a dodgy tikka!
An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan!
He is making land mines that look like prayer mats!
It’s doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!!
Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast,
they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, blow the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room.
Dad reluctantly agrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, 'So what were you watching?
Billy says, ' Wimbledon .'
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he had made it home safely.
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing.
Just had my water bill of $175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just $2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots.
Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.
ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY"And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...one's in a korma. The other's got a dodgy tikka!
An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan!
He is making land mines that look like prayer mats!
It’s doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!!
Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast,
they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, blow the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room.
Dad reluctantly agrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, 'So what were you watching?
Billy says, ' Wimbledon .'
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!
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