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How To Use Capitalisation!

August 29th 2011 02:45


This from a retired English teacher...

In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capitalisation.

For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement.
ďCapitalisation is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.Ē

Is everybody clear on that?

Uncle jack off a horse. Capitalisation


The Lotus Touts

August 24th 2011 06:25
Good and Happy Life Tips: The Lotus Touts

lotus touts life lessons

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, t heir conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye..

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT.. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely...

TEN.... In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN.. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN! ... When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN.. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN.. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.



Dear Prince William and Duchess Kate,

On behalf of my family and the town of Springfield, we would like to extend an invitation to visit a table read for an episode of "The Simpsons" during your upcoming visit to Los Angeles.

Your wedding was a thrilling event for all the American viewers, although I don't understand why you had it at one in the morning. Marge couldn't stop crying, mainly because it was so much better than her own wedding. Lisa loved watching history come to life in the venerable halls of Westminster Abbey, and Bart liked goofing on those crazy hats.

We know your vacation time is precious, and you must be very tired from your busy schedule back home of jousting and fighting dragons. Visiting The Simpsons will provide an excellent opportunity for cultural exchange. In England at four o'clock, you have tea and scones. Whereas at four o'clock here, I have beer and beer. British people revere the royal family, where in America, we worship our own royal family: the Kardashians. And so forth.
If you agree to visit our little show, I promise I will be amusing, my wife will be gracious, my daughters will be charming, and my son will be duct-taped to the boiler in the basement.

Your friend,

Homer Simpson

P.S. If you knighted me,that would be so awesome. It would really impress the guys at Moe's.

Homer Simpson Invitation to Prince William and Duchess Kate


Everything I Like....

July 25th 2011 06:30
Tell Me About It!!


I Believe Ö

July 18th 2011 07:17
I believe quotes

That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

That no matter how good a friend is, theyíre going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

That just because someone doesnít love you the way you want them to, doesnít mean they donít love you with all they have.

That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

That itís taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

That you can keep going, long after you think you canít.

That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when youíre down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

That sometimes when Iím angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesnít give me the right to be cruel.

That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences youíve had and what youíve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays youíve celebrated.

That it isnít always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

That no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesnít stop for your grief.

That just because two people argue, it doesnít mean they donít love each other. And just because they donít argue, it doesnít mean they do.

That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who donít even know you.

That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

That the people you care about most in life are taken from you much too soon.

That life is more precious than money will ever be able to be.


Signs You've Grown Up

July 8th 2011 06:26
you know you've grown up when

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them

[ Click here to read more ]

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift

[ Click here to read more ]

Calling a Jackass

July 1st 2011 03:19
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!! Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again

[ Click here to read more ]

Jack Schitt

June 24th 2011 04:11
Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says ďYou donít know Jack Schitt.Ē Now you can intellectually handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parentís objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt, and Hoarse Schitt. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Space Jokes

June 1st 2011 05:20

The Six Truths in Life

May 30th 2011 05:11
There are Six Truths in Life

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Friendship Wish

May 23rd 2011 23:49

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Things to Ponder

May 20th 2011 04:18
ponderings and thoughts
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii

[ Click here to read more ]

Confucius Didn't Say

May 18th 2011 04:14
Confucius Jokes

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient

[ Click here to read more ]

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