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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Robert Gates briefed the President this morning,. He told Bush that Three Brazilian soldiers had been killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement, all of the colour ran from Bush's face, the he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally, he composed himself and asked Gates, "Just how many is three Brazillion?"

How many is Three Brazillion?

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Obama and Politics

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Council House Complaints

October 15th 2007 02:18

These are genuine clips from letters sent to the Council Housing Department in London.

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing on it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

10. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

11. 50% of the wall are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50 % are just plain filthy.

12. I am still having problems with smoke in my drawers.

13. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

14. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

15. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

20. I have had the Clerk of Works down on the floor six times but still I have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Obama and Politics

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Pauline Hanson at the Pearly Gates

September 7th 2007 15:13

St. Peter's standing at the Pearly Gates, screening admissions, and someone comes up to him.

"Excuse me, can I come in ? I'm Ludwig van Beethoven."

"I'm going to have to ask you for proof of that. We get all sorts of people pretending to be someone else just so they can get in. Why, just last week we had three people pretending to be Mother Teresa."

"Very well." And Beethoven sits down and writes a new symphony on the spot, inspired by the vision of Heaven just beyond the gate. Then he conducts some of the other souls waiting around. St. Peter is convinced; the gates swing open, the angelic choir
sings, and in he goes.

A while later, St. Peter's standing at the gates, and another guy comes up. "I'm William Shakespeare. May I come in ?"

And again, St. Peter has to ask for proof. So Shakespeare sits down and writes a dozen sonnets about the glories of Heaven, and one or two flattering St. Peter. The gates swing open, the angelic choir sings, and in he goes.

Pauline Hanson with St Peter at the Pearly Gates of Heaven

A bit later during the day, someone else shows up. "Let me in. I'm Pauline Hanson."
"Do you have any ID ?"
"I don't need ID. I'm Pauline Hanson, and I'm allowed in."
"Look, Shakespeare and Beethoven had to prove who they were, so do you."

"Who ?"

The gates swing open, the angelic choir sings, and in she goes.

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Obama and Politics

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New National Government Symbol

April 25th 2007 10:22

The government today announced that it is changing it's national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the governments political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Damn, it just doesn't get any more accurate than that!

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Obama and Politics

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Everybody Loves Politicians!

March 26th 2007 11:01

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the freeway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped John Howard, Peter Costello, and Kevin Rudd.

They're asking for a $300 million ransom, otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"

About a litre each."

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Obama and Politics

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History Lesson

December 15th 2006 06:07

This is one history lesson people won't mind reading!!

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Obama and Politics

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Politically Correct Jokes

October 9th 2006 02:11

NOT Politically Correct -> Politically Correct

Old -> Chronologically gifted; also Experimentally enhanced

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Obama and Politics

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United States Congress

September 5th 2006 01:15

Would You Work For This Company?

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Posted By: Ian - Category: Obama and Politics

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John Howard called Peter Costello

August 22nd 2006 02:24

John Howard called Peter Costello into his office one day and said, "Peter I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win the country voters."

"Good idea PM, how will we go about it?" said Peter

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Little Red Riding Hood

July 20th 2006 03:23

Politically Correct Little Red Riding Hood

Red Riding Hood Depiction by Gustave Dore

There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them.
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Obama and Politics

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The Sad Passing of Common Sense

July 18th 2006 00:03

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
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Posted By: Ian - Category: Obama and Politics

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2 Tough Questions

June 16th 2006 01:21

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids
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Cows & Politics Explained

April 13th 2006 02:20

Your Two Cows

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
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