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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

A man who had been in a mental institution for some years finally improved to the point where it was thought he might be released.

The psychiatrist that ran the institution decided it was better to proceed with caution, and chose to interview him first. "Tell me," said the doctor, "if we release you, as we are considering, what do you plan to do with your life?"

The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life, and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you see, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped to put me here. If I am released, I shall limit myself to work in pure theory, where I believe the situation will be less difficult and stressful."

"Wonderful," said the psychiatrist. "Or else," continued the patient, "I might teach. There is something to be said for dedicating your life to expanding the knowledge of young people."

"Definitely," said the psychiatrist. "Then again, I might write. There is always a need for books on science, or I may even write a novel based on my experiences in the psychiatric institution."

"Another interesting possibility," agreed the doctor. "And finally, if none of these things appeals to me... I can always continue to be a teakettle!"


Physicist Teakettle
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New CEO

July 7th 2010 06:30
If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall.

The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?" The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about his quick, decisive action to set a new tone of accountability; the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"


From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."



pizza delivery guy

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Fitness For over 40’s

May 12th 2010 00:49
computer fitness program








I tried it, I liked it, you will too!!

The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.

If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina. Warning: It may be too strenuous for some.


Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!



SCROLL DOWN.............







































NOW SCROLL UP..



That’s enough for the first day. Great job!

Have a glass of wine!!!
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employment test question


You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:


1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.


2. An old friend who once saved your life.


3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.


Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.


This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.



YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS....................



The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'


Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.


Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'



HOWEVER...., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.


God, I just love happy endings!
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The Ant, a Fable, or Maybe Not.

April 9th 2010 23:28
Ant's Life


The Ant. Business Analogy



Every day, a small ant arrives at work very early and starts work immediately.

She produces a lot and she was happy.

The Chief, a lion, was surprised to see that the ant was working without supervision.

He thought if the ant can produce so much without supervision, wouldn’t she produce even more if she had a supervisor!

So he recruited a cockroach who had extensive experience as supervisor and who was famous for writing excellent reports.

The cockroach’s first decision was to set up a clocking in attendance system.
He also needed a secretary to help him write and type his reports and …
... he recruited a spider, who managed the archives and monitored all phone calls.

The lion was delighted with the cockroach's reports and asked him to produce graphs to describe production rates and to analyse trends, so that he could use them for presentations at Board‘s meetings.

So the cockroach had to buy a new computer and a laser printer and ...
... recruited a fly to manage the IT department.

The ant, who had once been so productive and relaxed, hated this new plethora of paperwork and meetings which used up most of her time…!

The lion came to the conclusion that it was high time to nominate a person in charge of the department where the ant worked.

The position was given to the cicada, whose first decision was to buy a carpet and an ergonomic chair for his office.

The new person in charge, the cicada, also needed a computer and a personal assistant, who he brought from his previous department, to help him prepare a Work and Budget Control Strategic Optimisation Plan …

The Department where the ant works is now a sad place, where nobody laughs anymore and everybody has become upset...

It was at that time that the cicada convinced the boss, the lion, of the absolute necessity to start a climatic study of the environment.

Having reviewed the charges for running the ant’s department, the lion found out that the production was much less than before.

So he recruited the owl, a prestigious and renowned consultant to carry out an audit and suggest solutions.

The owl spent three months in the department and came up with an enormous report, in several volumes, that concluded:
“ The department is overstaffed ...”

Guess who the lion fires first?

The ant of course.
Because she “showed lack of motivation and had a negative attitude".



The characters in this fable are fictitious; any resemblance to real people or facts within any corporation is pure coincidence…
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Tools Explained

February 10th 2010 04:19
Tool Use Explained


Tool

[ Click here to read more ]
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Printer Problem

November 23rd 2009 06:12
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A Well-Planned Retirement

November 9th 2009 02:02
From The London Times:
bristol zoo parking attendant

Outside the Bristol Zoo, in England, there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 coaches, or buses


[ Click here to read more ]
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Astronaut Needed

October 23rd 2009 02:20
How can the unemployment level be so high when there's job offers like this around??

Reply to: job-jcmxd-1416151549@craigsli st.org


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$20.00

October 7th 2009 02:43
$20 note jokes


Sometimes we just need to be reminded


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Lessons in Life

September 28th 2009 12:17
5 Minute Business Management Course



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I Love My Job!

September 9th 2009 02:40

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!

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Prison vs Work

August 12th 2009 13:52
Prison vs Work
Is this a prison or an office?



[ Click here to read more ]
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Managers Vs Engineers

July 31st 2009 15:18
A group of managers is trying to calculate the height of a flag pole. They try to measure its height by lining up their thumbs and then turning the thumb 90 degrees and marking a spot on the ground. Then they try to use its shadow and trig functions, but no luck.

A engineer comes by and watches for a few minutes. He asks one of the managers what they're doing


[ Click here to read more ]
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