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Shilpa KarhikPhilosophy Jokes
October 13th 2008 13:00
Definitions from the Philosophy Profession
*Source
absolute spirit: a philosophical martini.
accident: a substantial spill.
analytic philosophy: a redundancy.
being: what everybody is doing.
being and time: nice work, if you can get it.
continental philosophy: an oxymoron.
dasein: marker on the road to intersubjectivity.
DGS: that faculty member of each department in charge of demoralizing graduate students.
dissertation completion schedule: the first lie on the c.v.
eminence: famous living academic whose work is relevant but sloppy.
formal logic: the art of turning speculation to certainty.
hack: a person to whom the following criteria apply: (1) wrote a paper accepted by the APA selection committee; (2) has a full-time job; (3) is published in the Journal of Philosophy; (4) is not an Eminence.
informal logic: neither.
interviewer: a worshipped and feared subset of hack; a hack with power.
irrelevant: an argument which addresses more than one sub-sub-field of philosophy, but is not written by an Eminence.
job candidate: all of the following must apply: (1) an individual so convinced of his/her superiority to the members of the search committee that their rejection is further proof of his/her philosophical integrity (and intimidating presence); (2) an individual so convinced of his/her superiority to all other candidates that their selection for an interview or job is further proof of his/her philosophical integrity, and their status as hacks; (3) an individual who proudly declares his/her distance from hack sell-outs, until offered a job.
platonic form: what you need to get the transcendental deduction.
polis: abandoned city north of the Republic.
praxis: how do you get to Polis? (praxis, praxis, praxis)
relevant: anything written by an Eminence.
sloppy: missing the subtle distinctions between sub-sub-fields which protect the arguments of hacks from the criticisms of an Eminence.
sound: (1) an argument showing what we should believe but won't; (2) indeterminately produced by falling trees.
specialty: the second lie on the c.v.
substance: an accident waiting to happen.
substance abuse: medieval philosophy.
sub-sub field: (1) invented by advanced graduate students so they can write an "original" dissertation; (2) the largest set of problems or issues one is permitted to master prior to becoming an Eminence; (3) the smallest permissible area of philosophy to which an APA paper session can be dedicated.
thing-in-itself: marked by a condition of extreme ontological shyness.
transcendental deduction: tax break for philosophers.
valid: an argument showing what we could believe but don't.
white male applicant: (1) the distinguished gentleman who, in the face of the fact that 80% of all jobs go to fellow w.m.a's, resolutely, politely, and with the proper amount of courtly embarrassment reveals that his job was stolen by a black feminist; (2) thinks that "avoiding PC" requires this announcement.
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