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Jokes - A new funny joke each day to keep you laughing.

Beer, By Seven Year Olds

March 19th 2010 02:32
Beer Jokes


A handful of 7 year old children were asked ‘What they thought of beer'. Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.



'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mum gets.'

--Tim, 7 years old





'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice... '

--Mellanie, 7 years old




'My Mum and Dad both like beer. My Mum gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'

--Grady, 7 years old




''My Mum and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'

--Toby, 7 years old



'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn’t have too much.

--Sarah, 7 years old



'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.'

--Lilly, 7 years old




‘I don’t like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'

--Ethan, 7 years old




'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'

--Shirley, 7 years old




AND THE BEST RESPONSE



'My Mum drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'

--Jack, 7 years
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condom packs joke



A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,
"What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively.
Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school..."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,
"Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks,
"Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied,
"Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......."
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Science Quotes From Kids

February 17th 2010 06:09
science quotes from kids
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.

When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbiting.

Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to become oil.

Genetics explains why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.
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London English Exams

December 23rd 2009 05:04
The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire (U.K.)

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)


English Exam Jokes


Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
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An Itchy Story

November 4th 2009 12:21
For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just love the things little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often taken literally.....



'Circumcised'
(this is priceless!)


A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his 'private part' hanging out.
'I thought I told you to call your mum!' she said.
'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, she'd come and pick me up from school.
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School Answering Machine Message

April 10th 2009 15:01
GO TEACHERS AT MAROOCHYDORE HIGH SCHOOL!


[ Click here to read more ]
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Always Check Your Children’s Homework

February 11th 2009 10:10
Below read the follow up letter the teacher received the following day....


[ Click here to read more ]
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Pregnancy Jokes

December 1st 2008 23:38
A woman went to the doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT?"

[ Click here to read more ]
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Little Johnnie

November 12th 2008 07:05
little johnnie baby no ears
Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Train Set

October 29th 2008 01:27
rude train set joke
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks


[ Click here to read more ]
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School Answering Machine Message

July 7th 2008 02:22
School answering machine message
This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended! This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School California staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.
This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Two Choices

February 20th 2008 10:28
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Baby Jokes

January 30th 2008 03:30
Funny baby Jokes
What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.

[ Click here to read more ]
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