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Diary of an Englishman in Western Australia

March 3rd 2010 11:25
DIARY OF A POMMIE IN WESTERN
AUSTRALIA .


western australian sun


August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.




September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun-worshipper.



September 30th - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today.
Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.



October 10th - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than I expected.



October 15th - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body Missed three days of work.

What a dumb thing to do! Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.



October 20th - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car beforeI left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shit.

I've earned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.



October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant f**kn' blow dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from f**kn' Perth
....



October 30th - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the f**kn' aircon. Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now.
Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?



November 4 - Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 30. Stupid repairman.



November 8 - If one more smart arse says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to f**kn' throttle him. F**kn' heat! By the time I get to work, the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking f**kn' wet and Ismell like baked cat!



November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my f**kn' arse was on fire.
I lost two layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and my f**kn' arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat!



November 10 - Weather report! It might as well be a f**kn' recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and f**kn' sunny! It's been too hot to do anything for two f**kn' months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.



November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn f**kn' place? Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the f**kn' pool. The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the f**kn' flies You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the f**kers!



November 20th - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 f**kin' degrees today. Now the air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?'

I had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid f**ker F**kin' Karratha! What kind of sick, demented f**kin' idiot would want to live here!



December 1 -



WHAT!!!!



The first day of Summer!!!!



You've got to be f**kin' kidding!
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Comments
1 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Mountain Fog

March 6th 2010 04:22
this is the funniest thing I've read in ages!

cheers

fog

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